I know it has several uses
but I have only ever found one.
And though I avail myself of it daily,
I would hardly call using it fun.
All the big boys told me, in whispers,
That it was a really delightful toy.
When I was just a little bit older
It would become my pride and joy.
Well I talked to my eldest brother
and I asked him just how it would work.
But he wouldn't give me any answers.
He just sat back and started to smirk.
Well I thought that was mean and unhelpful
And the tears they started to flow.
So I went looking for my big sister.
I was sure that she would know.
When I found her in her own bedroom
She was getting ready for a quick bath.
And when I asked my urgent questions.
She stood up and started to laugh.
She told me the information I wanted
and then she added a piece of advice.
You mustn't be silly and do it too often
Because the results will not be very nice.
I looked at her in fear and amazement
But then I laughed and just had to say.
Sister your dressing gowns come open
And I see you've rubbed yours clean away!
Author notes
I couldn't believe it when I switched on AOL this morning (Aug 4th) There in the daily news it stated that this was UK National Masturbation Week and there was going to be a mass rally with attempts on the male and female world records! It also said the police would be keeping an eye on things
Written August 4th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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that was very funny i loved a lot....
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Thanks for reading and writing Flowergirl. I had forgotten this poem. I shall have to try reading it in public.
Jim
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Oh that was so very cute
Cheers.
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Thanks for stopping by.
Jim
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Very well written and funny. A welcome break from the serious stuff. Glad I stumbled across this one, I really needed a laugh today.
Thanks Jim, and bless you
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Thanks for reminding me of this old offering Cap'n.
Thinking back I can still remember my amazement on being informed (via AOL) that it was masturbation week!!
There seems to be a day in support of everything now.
Jim
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We take our inspiration where we can cheeky and this one sort of jumped up at me
I do enjoy reworking old jokes in this way.
Jim -
love the poem...the end was funny...also i liked the authors comments on the masterbation week especialy this part.. "It also said the police would be keeping an eye on things" that brang a giggle to me ..smiles ~cheeky~
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It surprised me at the time. I hope this was a little milder.
Thank you for reading and writing.
Jim -
oh my goodness what a headline
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Ang. Thanks for your comment. I was aiming for young and innocent so I am glad that is how it came across to you.
Jim -
LOL - this is really cute. i enjoyed reading it as a sense of innocence came accross.
well written
ang -
Thank you for your kind words and applause.
It's an old joke but the words are new.
Jim -
nice! "a delightful toy" indeed! haha. I enjoyed that! thanks.
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Glad you enjoyed this Venu. Althoiugh at my age memories of youth are a mixed blessing.
Jim -
Dear Jim,
Made me remember my own ancient days when bigger boys in the class used to strike us smaller boys with awe with what they could. It was beyond me to imagine what it really was until one day it exploded me to the skies and left me dazed and reeling. Nice work.
Edited on Aug 07, 1:55 because 'grammer'. -
Thanks for the comments K. I am glad it tickled your fancy . As for that chain reaction I think the sight would put a lot of folk off rather than turn them on.
Oh well ahve fun anyway
Jim -
Not to worry. Today there is no mention it was obviously a slow news day.
There are plenty of bright things to read. So keep looking.
Jim -
hi dear uncle
It was in the news?
I'm glad I didn't see that.
Wish you the best.
Shahrzad
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Hi Von,
I was a bit taken aback to see it as a news item myself.
Jim -
Thanks for reading and writing. I'm glad you liked it and hope the next generation will not need to ask ! Good Luck
Jim -
I don't know what else to say but that was incredibly hilarious! Thanks! I needed a laugh. I am expecting and I wonder what this topic will be like if I have a boy,he he.
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Thanks for the comment (and the aplause)Katie L. I'm glad it hit the spot.
Jim -
Unusual write
Good going sister. You stepped up to the plate and answered a little boys inquisitive question. He was determined to find out the answer. Cute poem and cute statement. -
I can't say that I looked that closely but I do remember the world record was for over 10 hours. I wonder how the Guinness book of records verifes this one?
Jim -
The sales of paper tissues will rocket this week, no doubt!!
Very funny, enjoyable read. Where is this mass rally being held as I thought it was something one did in private? How times have changed, keep it up. (if you'll excuse the pun!)
Ann -
Jim! I'm shocked! Of all the tings in this world they could highlight, 'the powers that be' decided on Masturbation week. good for a laugh though, very funny Jim
Von -
Thanks for your comment (and applause0 I'm glad you liked it.
Jim -
HOWL!!!!!!!!!!!! This has made my day.What a scream.Oh, dear I'm crying now.HE he he he.WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ros -
Thanks for that. I must confess I was amazed when I read the news article but I'll take inspiration where I can.
I wrote most of this sitting in a crowded folk club tonight. I'm glad I wasn't asked to recite it
Jim -
Well this made me laugh. and reminded me. One day when we were walking up the village with some friends, my son, aged 3, said, 'you know, daddy's really lucky, cos he's got a willy. And I'm really lucky, cos I've got a willy. and Emmelie's really lucky, cos shes got TWO bottoms. But poor mummy's only got moss! Caused some laughter I can tell you.
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