The wind blows through the trees,
the ever fluttering, curling leaves-
They fall to the ground-
My soul I've found,
in the nature's breeze.
The sun goes down behind a hill;
nothing stirs, all is still.
The day has died, the sun is gone-
we have yet to wait for dawn.
All is dark, the wind still blows,
but I find my eyes won't close.
I'm awakened by the night-
the moon has reached a great height.
I run about, through the leaves,
in and out through trees I weave.
I kiss the breeze, for it's my friend.
The world is mine, it has no end.
Author notes
Written July 13th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help! i really need some inspiration by lucy sky-diamond.
600 points, ended July 14, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
I found this poem quite elementary in the form of images it created for me, and I think this is because it’s more of a personal write than one to be shared with others. This is often the case for poems that use the pronoun “I” as it can be exclude others to the intimacy needed to draw the reader in. Though the write starts off inviting the reader in to share the experience of the leaves and breeze, it becomes more personal towards the end.
My preferred style is rhyme and while the author has used it in this poem, it is completely lost in line 5 and the last line, and therefore impedes the flow of the whole piece of work. It should either be rewritten to rhyme completely or written as free-verse, as unless I am very misguided and this is a form that I’ve not come across before, there appears to be no constancy to the layout.
I feel the author is trying to convey not only the beauty of nature, but how they have a rapport and gained a sense of freedom with it, demonstrated in the line “My soul I've found”. The images could be defined and expanded with the addition of expressive adjectives as used in this line “the ever fluttering, curling leaves”. The repetition of “through” in lines 14 and 15 depreciated the impact of the final lines, which I felt should have been the strongest and the point to the whole poem. The power of the last line should have been substantiated by the preceding ones, but even so, I liked the choice of words.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
-
Why thank you!
-
Oh, I like this poem a lot, especially the picture of running through the leaves and weaving through the trees, kissing the breeze as a friend and the inspirational ending that the world is ours if we only take it. - Kimberly G.
-
thank you muchly
-
very good i very much so enjoyed this poem very much keep up the good work
-
why thank you, "maybe-maybe-not"
I appreciate your comment.
Thank you for taking the time to read my poetry!
that's cool that you can relate! nature and the feeling of freedom are such wonderful things and in today's high-tech world we kind of take for granted the beauty that is right outside.
Though I can't say too much, I wrote this poem sitting inside at a computer and hell, I'm at one now!
but thank you so much! -
great
this is really great i can relate wow its wow
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
