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Tis the Beginning of the End

Our world is being watched...

Scrutinized by ever-watchful eyes...

Eyes that see through darkness as clear as daylight...

Darkness is light through dark eyes...

Dark eyes that can see everything in our world...

For our world is now engulfed in darkness.

Author notes

Combine the parts that make sense together and proper punctuation and this is the first paragraph of my new story!  I thought I'd just post it because it sounded poetic so think of it as you will and tell me what you think!  I might add more on later since I know it's REALLY short as it is, but anyway enjoy!
Written August 4th, 2006

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • Malikitiana
    August 14, 2006
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    *sneaks over to computer with mission impossible music playing in background*
    *goes to allpo while looking for signs of activity in the immediate area*
    *reads your first paragraph and...*
    STEALTH!!!
    *music speeds up as I run away from the computer before I'm caught*


    Ummmm, yea, soooo.... The introduction has to do with the fact that I'm supposed to be doing my homework right now. I'm sacrificing my academic success to read your latest post and comment on it. Don't you feel special? (I'm hoping that's the big grin and not the laughing face...)

    Great start to what I'm sure is gonna be a great story. *coughfinishthisonecough* I'm so glad that you and Ab are getting into darker writings. Alex, you're not the only one who's influenced H and Ab, you know. I was corrupted waaaaaay before any of us met you.

    Clarification needed: Is this the same story you've been working on for the last 7 drafts, or is this a totally new idea?

    Cause if it's new, then go you! New story ideas are always fun to experiment with. If it's the same idea, then I think I might be more into it this time around. Not that is wasn't interesting before, but you know, with the whole "going darker" thing, it's just more my style.

    This has been a comment brought to you by "long-ass-comments-that-don't-really-have-to-be-that-long procudtions." See ya in school tomorrow.

    Your friend, sister, and fellow writer, Malikitiana

  • Light As A Feather
    August 6, 2006
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    Creepy, yet Cool

    so dark, so creepy, Me like! I don't know what draws me to it but I like it none the less. I think I'm gonna go alittle dark, but not to much. You can't be optimistic and dark at the same time. Different times yes, same time no. Anyway, the word choice is similar throughout the poem, which is really cool! The whole subject with the eyes is really universal. They could be anything or anyone, not just your story idea. Keep up the good work. Your getting better and better with each work of writting you do.

    ~*Norma*~


  • Soul Reaper -Crow-
    August 5, 2006
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    fiendishly ominous

    Nicely done, I think I'm rubbing off on yu my dear, lol, anyway, cudos to you, and points as well, keep it up you, and take care.


  • Mrs. Serial Killa
    August 4, 2006
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    great

    I love it thats all i have to say pure poetic genius thank you for this, it may not rhymn like every other poem but it is still genius thank you again