On a drowsy midnight, a moonless eclipse,
Where a once lit candle slumbers light-less;
In the centre of a forgotten table,
Next to a empty chair were I once rest,
And modest words were muttered.
Where voices filled the room,
Until you spoke of division,
With the motive to afflict.
I barely exhaled before my breath was detained,
So softly insensitive I hardly had time to gasp,
And these will be, the last we’ll speak.
Whispers now hush,
Memories now covered by a blanket of silence.
That once clothed us as we layed in each other’s arms,
Dreaming dreams, intending to live,
Now only restless nights in an empty bed,
Wakening up to never more.
Never more will we bathe together in weightless embrace,
Now saturated in disappointment, and drowning in regret,
As our photos are damp, forsaken and torn,
Layed out dripping on the bathroom floor.
And there the empathy we had, will slowly fade,
Tearing away with time, and raised,
never more.
Author notes
X Broken Love
A contest entry
- I Need To Cry My Everloving Brains Out!! by Angel With No Halo.
525 points, ended February 16, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain or Love by XxESPNCHICKxX.
600 points, ended January 13, 2008, 82 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For the broken hearts out there by CutsThatDontBleed.
900 points, ended October 17, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Wow so detailed and creative! You did a fair good job on this poem! Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!!
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"Never more will we bathe together in weightless embrace," such a sad poem and that line right there really lifted me up and made me reflect on my own lost love. Interesting write and wonderfully penned! good luck in the contest fellow poet!
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Truly wonderful, honestly.
tragically sad and had that terribly lonely sorrowful atmosphere hanging over it. Nice.
Painful... -
I know how it feels to be so close to someone and for them then to pull away, almost as if the way you both were didn't mean anything to them and meant the world to you. I still really don't know, because I'm supposed to speak to him tonight...but my chest is heaving and I want to cry still.
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good write.
keep
up
the
good
work!!!
-Annie Shadows
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congrats on the HM! well deserved! i just loved the way this flowed! it's sooo sad! you did a great job! Good luck in the contest and have a happy new year!
~NineTailedFox
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wow!this is so sad.it touched my heart my eyes actually welled up!thats never happened before.this is a reaaly great poem,i love it!
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This is really really good also...Good Luck.
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As our photos are damp, forsaken and torn,
Layed out dripping on the bathroom floor.
this would be my fave line in the poem...i loved it..good luck.... -
This is awesoem! I love it and I think I can realate it it in a way... Good work...
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wow
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Interesting! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest! (sorry it took so long to comment)
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thanks,, im hot in to writing hopeless poems,, id just broke up with my girl friend,, that was 2 months ago and im still wanting her back,, thanks for the comment..
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Never more til healing can begin then forgiven they shall be and possibly just then you may call each other friend again.
Gritty poetry on how life and love can go wrong. It's a shame that this must come but at least you are not tearing each other apart anymore. Very descriptive and well penned write.
you portrayed the emotions very well without going over the top. Just enough for us to feel you.
Thank you
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well penned best of luck to you in the contest. sadnessed ripped through my veins... powerful piece. thanks for sharing
vsutton -
its sad and u have proved it, everyone here can feel the sadness u wanted to express.
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Good
Very descriptive and sooo sad. You made the reader feel the pain and loss. -
That was a very well written piece. The words you used really brought it to life. Your an excellent writer, keep up the good work! I wish you the best in life. ~Mel~
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You make the words come alive! The imagery is so percise that I feel like I am an intruder peeking inside your home. If this comes from personal experience, thank you for sharing your feelings with us all. It is such a sad situation. Peace be with you.
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Bravo
Whew what an impressively wonderful poem this is. The imagary you conjure up with your words are vivid and profound. A truly stunning write and I love this one!! -
sad, but wonderfully written. really liked it. ~ Duckie ~
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oh wow!! you have a great way with words....your poem was beautiful....i love the lines: "....tearing away with time, and raised/never more"--really great!! g'day....:]
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"Never more" ~ how deep is that? Outstanding work here! The way you wrote it in it's form, and the way you described everything so perfectly. Like Debbie said, sadness with beautiful words. That's a good way to put it... it's so fragile and "torn" in the reader's rough hands.
"So softly insensitive I hardly had time to gasp,
And these will be, the last we’ll speak.
Whispers now hush,"
These are my favorite lines, because it's very stern on it's ground. "hardly had time to gasp" - that just tugs at my heart for some odd reason. "last we'll speak" - "whispers now hush" ~ what an excellent way to put things!
Good write! -
Great write. I definitely enjoyed reading this and I'm really glad I clicked it. Great job, keep up the good work.
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Hi!!!
Torn is a lovely word (it conveys much more than a rupture or something broken, and could even imply something psychological and emotional), it also is a wonderful song (Natalie Imbruglia! woot!!!), but sadly, it is not at all lovely or wonderful to experience "being torn," literally or figuratively. I wrote a poem with the same title but, haha, I think you were more articulate in making your readers feel what you've intended them to "see" and feel (through reading). and yeah... thank you for this great work. Good luck with the contest!!! ^_^
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Saddness and beautiful words all in one. My heart just wanted to reach out to comfort.
You do have a way with words.
debbie
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So sad and beautifully written, my friend....
From your poetic heart this passion pours...
Amazing write...
Lynda
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