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Pig

Hey you,i think it's time for you to go now
always thought i could count on you
i believed for so long,how could i have been so blind?
I was blinded when your light hit my eyes,i guess i was
taken by surpise,it was all a
great big lie,a great big lie,great big lie

A WORK IN PROCESS.

Author notes


Written August 4th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Zro
    August 10, 2006
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    hmmm... some more anger. Anyways, who is this one about. I hope you're happy now, that I commented on this one. That should take some of the anger away. Will it though??? I wonder when you'll read this anyway. Will you ever read it at all??? We don't ever get on this site anymore, but oh well, it's good to look back on past feelings, isn't it? See ya soon!!!


  • serchingforsumone
    August 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i loved how you made this one so short but said so much, it flowed very well with plenty of emotion, it reminded me of my ex, unfortunatley my son and daughter paid the biggest price and hurt the most.


  • lovely lemon tree
    August 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    good start! i look forward to seeing the finished product. it almost soungs like song lyrics to me. perhaps a number 1 hit in the making! the flos is nice. though the wording is simple, it works with the poem. too bad this kind of stuff cant just be in ones imagination...


  • Closetpoet1971
    August 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Good Write!!

    Emotional write and very different as well. Good job on what you have done so far!! Can't wait to see the rest
    Shannon


  • Airtightchick
    August 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is very good for a work in progress... I especially like this part...

    "I was blinded when your light hit my eyes."

    that is pretty powerful!!

    airtightchick


  • drunk in traditions
    August 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Probably the most interesting write I've seen.
    It's weird, to tell you the truth.
    The flow is impeccable,
    but that's all there is.
    The rhyme is neat too.
    Good job.
    Edited on Aug 06, 3:57 p.m. because ''.


  • Mystikrypton
    August 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Lots of good rhyming in this. Keep going with it. I like how you started it with "Hey you" because it gets the reader's attention right away. Good job, and I hope you finish it.


  • Rented Emotion
    August 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hate it when things like this are true. We get so wrapped up in something we think will last then it falls to pieces. Nice write. It gets the point across and doesn't require lengthy nonsense.

1 - 8 of 8