Twisted vision inside a bubble
World's oblivious sight is doubled
In this froth of mystic fortunes
Lies a wraith of dark proportion
Fleeing from angelic voices
Clergy dictate final choices
Simple child has lost his way
Nightmare loosed now rules the day
Oh what became of happy endings
Or faith hiding faithless spending
All the doors to God are locked
On your heart the devil knocks
Pull free, pull free, and breathe
And breathe, and breathe, now see
As though you were in a mirror
Except that there you saw was here
All culture functioned without mask
Such bitter truth trapped till the last
Return to facades of peace and joy
Worry not of mans darkest ploys
For to know truth rents the soul
Therefore bliss begs not to know
Never bathe in disturbed water
Lest you hear the hollow laughter
See the world for what it is
Poisoned tongue with every kiss
Author notes
Written August 3rd, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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it was a tad confusing here and there, but over-all very good. i love your word choice and rythm!
an awsome write!
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There are a couple of grammar/spelling points first:
L1 - World's
L8 - Lost
Otherwise, a good poem that seems to reflect many of the issues of ignorance and deceit that we face. Yes, the conclusion is powerful!
However, I am not so sure about the use of the pronoun 'you'. Who are you talking to? This, of course, does not apply to us all. However, it does make us think!
Nice write! -
A poison tongue with every kiss.
Nice conclusion. Takes some reading to get the full benefit, but that's how the best poems are.
I certainly like your poetry, you have a range of styles and an unusual way of thinking. As well as a strong conviction that drives much of your political poetry. You have talent. Keep it up. -
Loved It!
I agree with the first 2 comment as well, those two lines ARE very powerful, but I also liked your ending stanza:
"Never bathe in disturbed water
Lest you hear the hollow laughter
See the world for what it truly is
A poison tongue with every kiss"
Your poem has a very nice flow, and your rhyming really fits in very well! keep up with the good writing! -
(bad comment I know) I agreed with the person above me on the two lines, they were really good. I thought that you did a nice job and I liked it a lot.
~~~Exsss~~~ -
I thought that these two lines were really powerful:
Return to facades of peace and joy
Worry not of mans darkest ploys
They were really well written and I liked them a lot.
Nice Job over all.
~Eps
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