This argument is absolute proof that God exists. If you disagree, please reread, as I have proven it beyond any possible doubt. If, after rereading this at least 10,000 times, you still disagree, then you are wrong.
So I was at the Cheesecake Factory a while back, eating an excellent cheesecake, when it dawned on me that cheesecake, is, in fact, divine, because it is "[E]xtremely pleasent, delightful"...and what does it mean to say that something is divine? that it has "the nature of being a deity", to quote the first entry given in the dictionary at answers.com . So, cheesecake has the nature of a deity. This implies the existence of a deity. Deity is, of course, synonymous with god, so, god exists. It's simple:
1)Cheesecake exists.
2)Cheesecake is divine.
3)That which is divine has the nature of a god.
4)The nature of a god implies that god(s) exist.
5)Therefore, god(s) exist.
Author notes
Here is the magnificent and omnipotent source I used:
www.answers.com/divine&r=67
Written August 3rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Convince Me That God Is Or Is Not Real! by Andy Stephenson.
300 points, ended August 15, 2006, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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This like RD Laing's knots
I was fascinated by that and I am by this.
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I don't understand, I read your AP page, and I see that you don't believe in God, but then why are you trying to prove that God exists with this? Either way, this is pretty good, considering cheesecake is a resource that most civilians can relate to.
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truth
cheesecake is divine.........that is all i have to say!
keep the pen flowing. -
Ahhh, but if it were not for God, how would we separate the idiots from the people who should be allowed to breed? Actually, religion has been important in many ways to the progression of society (not mentioning for now the bad things), but COME ON, let's not start saying that cheesecake proves the existence of God.
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Beliving is an absolutly personal think-poetry is free-speech should be free-we all like to live in a democratic world-so criticism should be positive-or make the writer think-if someone gecomes angry about a statement he or she still has to accept the writers view on a theme-the poem is creative thats a fact-personal feelings have to stay outside a written critics-critics should help the writer to learn-encourage him and so on-it even can be negative but the statement has to be objective.The poem seems to be surreal and sill is perfect in the red line it follows-a perfect one that arises discussion-and this it was what the writer wanted-everything good is divine in itsself-
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CHEESECAKE!
I LOVE CHEESECAKE!!!! -
I agree. Proof isn't necessary. Neither is cheesecake. But if you went up for trial for the murder of someone, and the prosecutor said to the jury, "Proof isn't necessary!!!" And they readily agreed, would you be okay with that? I doubt it. No, proof isn't necessary, but why would you want to go without it? Or cheesecake, for that matter.
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God will not be mocked. You have proclaimed His deity whether you wanted to or not. LOL Proof is unnecessary. God doesn't need it, and neither do those who believe in God. A clever little ditty all the same.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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If God is "unknowable", god-believers have already lost the argument, so that's just fine by me.
I don't use circular reasoning; you've probably convinced yourself I have because you disagree and you can't accept that I could have such a belief and not believe in it for false reasons; is it inconceivable that I could have justifiable reason for not believing? -
A child, playing children's games; thinking himself quite the sage.
You take the example of things that are easy to understand, easy to define; and then use those tools to try to know the unknowable, and think you are being clever.
You set yourself up as the judge of what is coherent; declare the notion of God in this existence as contradictory as the notion of a square circle, and dismiss him from the surface evidence you see. What of what you can't see? What if God is doing things you can't even contemplate?
You are trapped in your own circuitous reasoning, no matter how much you declare you are not... -
I still haven't figured out how cheesecake came in to the reasoning with God. I have faith and by that I know that God is real no matter what anyone says. Maybe your reasoning will change someones mind though.
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very good
I do agree that cheesecake is divine, as you say. but to compare God or the trinity to cheesecake, well, you fall short there. But you did a very cute and imaginitive way to prove your point. Very good. -
i hope your abstact approach convinces that your assumption is true Mr. Joe/mitimes
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Brings a BIG smile
I love your reasoning and Andy's response to this entry.
So, I guess there you have it, if we cannot even agree on cheesecake being divine (which I can)... Is there any hope for those lost souls who cannot? You did have god(s) so that leaves room for "to each their own" and that speaks volumes in truth being somewhat subjective.
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LOL!!!! This is so extraordinarily clever, your wit is amped for certain, and your logic...is undeniable! KUDOS!!!
DK -
Are you absolutely insane? I'm sorry, but you are not a cheesecake, you're a fruitcake! I'm sorry to say that. I dont' need proof to know that God exists! Stop DREAMING! I don't need proof, when I have my faith! I refuse to accept proof that God exists, even if it's real, which is, of course, impossible, but even if it was, I refuse to accept it! I don't NEED it! I don't need to see your cheescake to know it exists! See? Faith! I don't need proof! And even if there was such thing, I wouldn't take it. No need. You have lost your mind. I am truly sorry to say that. Glacian, I think you have eaten one too many cheesecakes. Don't worry about proof. If you have faith, you don't need proof. So why bother?
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You mock divine revelation by calling it "hilarious"? How dare you? You shall be forced to eat devi's foodcake for all eternity for such blasphemy, unless you repent, and enjoy something like oreo cheesecake, or perhaps peanutbutter cheesecake, or strawberry swirl, or marble, even!!! The pantheon of divine slices is vast indeed!
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That's exactly the point! You don't need faith or the church! We KNOW God exists. Cheesecake exists. That's my whole point. Stop going to church, abandon your faith, and enjoy a declious slice of cake at The Cheesecake Factory today!!!
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Hmmm... Glacian, I'm a firm believer in God, but I think there's a flaw in your logic here. Something, I can't place it, seems out of place. It just doesn't seem concrete enough to me. Humorous, yes, but there's something wrong. God would, of course, be able to instantly spot the flaw in your thinking here, but I obviously don't have "... The nature of being a deity..." So I can't say what it is. Still, it's a good try, but I don't have to reread it 10,000 times before I still say there's something wrong. I do believe in God, but think about it. You can't prove God exists, and that's why Faith exists. Faith is the evidence of things not seen. If I had proof, there'd be no need for Faith, and of course, that would eliminate the need for church, or indeed for religion at all! Nice stab at an impossible idea. Keep it up!
Dan -
OH MY CHEESE CAKE! It's awesome, I love it! Hilarious!
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Shhhh, sunless, don't let them know the exact date of my divine inspiration. Prophet Glacian must keep such mysteries sacred and out of the hands of mere mortals.
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As stated in the argument, you have to read it 10,000 times before you can decide if you truly disagree or not. I doubt you've read it that many times, but even if you do, and you still disagree, you are wrong (it even says so).
Therefore, I have proven God exists. It's airtight. You can inform all atheists that they are incorrect and all agnostics that no more fence-sitting need be done! God is for real! The Cheesecake Factory, it seems, may be a direct conduit to heaven. I now theorize that the Egyptians were not building tombs for their pharoahs; rather, they were massive Cheesecake Factories and the kings simply died of overreating in one of the lower dining halls. -
But what if I refuse to accept the divinity of cheesecake? Your arguement stands on only one point. Or what if I challenge the definition of divinity? This is a humorous essay which takes a wackie position. I enjoyed it. Thanks for entering it.
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Ha! That is fucking great. Now, to honestly believe that you actually though of that while eating cheescake, that's even more hilarious. Ha, I can just see it. Anyway, I am very very stoned right now and I don't think I get it but congrats for making my munchies worse! lol Mmmmm, cheescake. lol
Bravo! -
you freaking idiot!!! you used that line on me during one of our late night discussions!!! lol.. i miss you lance
cat~` -
Good Luck!
Ummmmmmmmmm ok.....Well it was clever to say the least.
Thanks for sharing.
Kari
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