I am silver and exact, I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see I swallow
immediately
just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel,
only truthful -- the eye of a little god,
four-cornered.
Most of the time,
I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink with speckles.
I have looked at it so long
I think it is part of my heart.
But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake.
A woman bends over me,
searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars,
the candles or the moon.
I see her back,
and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears
and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her.
She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned
a young girl,
and in me an old woman rises toward her day after day,
like a terrible fish.
Author notes
Written August 3rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Winkling & Friends Free verse Exercise - Winklings Contest # 46. by Lyndon.
450 points, ended August 23, 2006, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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i have to wit as i recently changed it to what it is now.
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Well that would get my vote
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i may change my name back to that actually
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LMAO ur a bad bad boy.. my heart still calls you MR CTD
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i am so tempted to be rude here with whatever i see i swallow, but i am a perfect gentleman so i will refrain from be a swine
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Your narrative construction through your free verse has led to some interesting scenarios as I have jusdt noticed. Good on you , Aliana, for a jolly good go. Ron.
Edited on Aug 23, 11:22 because ''. -
Hi Eddy. What a wonder of a critique. The thing or object the poem is about is a mirror. Could you imagine that? Thank you. Ron (Lyndon).
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I absolutely agree with the first comment. It was so indepth and broad that there is very little one can add. I love the depth and wisdom in your writing and I can hear your voice (which is refreshing). It is difficult to find one's own voice sometimes, but you have and I applaud you for that. Wonderful work once again. Simply put and imbued with meaning beyond simplicity.
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Bravo!
Oh, this IS excellent! I loved it--if I have understood it correctly, but even if I haven't--just a simply marvelous poem. You have imbued this sea creature with a wonderful sentience! a triple bravo: Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! -
Thank you very much for your comments and as much as I'd love to take credit for the words.. this is for a Winklings contest; I just had to lay the words out in my own thought process. But i am glad you enjoyed the read
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EXCELLENT!
My Dear Aliana ... You have floored me yet again with another rendition of your fantastic poetry. Reading you is always an absolute pleasure.
Hope all is well.
Best wishes for the contest.
Sammy -
Ms Aliana, you unravel text to expose the bare necessities. You say nothing and everything with panache; I am of your spell (yet again/still). Thank you.
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Nothing wrong with being a terrible fish as long as you don't rise, belly up...for then there is always time for improvement of the current situation...for with time comes change...and with change comes growth and even bad growth can lead to good results if we learn from our mistakes...
You have captured not only the state of individual but perhaps society as a whole, for many live within the 4sided box, but unfortunately few are completely unbiased as the person here.
Meditation can bring good or bad results, depending on what we meditate on. To lose self for a time is normal for it helps us to see a bigger part of life's picture and our role within it.
Many people DEFINE themselves by others, so just the single
line of "I am important to her." is brilliant...
I would take the line "I see her back,
and reflect it faithfully." as looking beyond what is there at first glance, which many people tend not to do. It is the ASSUMPTION we know that often leads us to ruin, for what we think and another does is often different. So maybe I shouldn't assume anything here either...lol
This could even be read as in a first person view of the moon itself, for it is unbiased and shines equally without concern on both good and bad. It changes (quarter, half, whole, new)
but always returns to the source of what it was when it started, whatever it may be, being true to it's own nature.
I could probably write a whole book about this poem, for tho it appears at first glance to be totally unrelated, all lines reflect a common theme, so to speak. Be yourself and remain faithful to who you are, even if it's a terrible fish, for
in bad we can learn how NOT to do something and so in the end BOTH sides are truly needed for completion.
A COMPLETELY unbiased person is an anemone indeed...
Hugs...Eddy
seeing illusions
striving light, finding but dark
the grayzone of life
-Eddy
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