I sit here on this gray cold grave talking to you
as the tears cascade like a stream down my cheeks
All I see is the darkness of the gray clouds
A shallow hole of bats and rats
Where a thousand of scars display on one lonely heart
The regret of your absence wounds me deep
Inside of my heart, loneliness creeps
My heart echoes with griefs
For there are no words of comfort
Each day I wake up; I picture your face
Only twenty years old and yet with a ripped page
I cry in silent and yet in disbelief
There are no words that could express of all my stress
I hold onto my breath as I sophisticate inside
Each time I look up to the sky
to see a thousand of stars and yours do not shine
Where people go to find an everlasting peace
Among the spirits you will be pushing up daisies
For in the great One above I do believe
He who knows you well and gives life
Will spare you and protect you in this moment of strife
I exhale in relief for I know you'll walk in righteous steps
Now farewell and rest in peace
My heart swells and then dwells
Among the shallow hole full of worms
You will soon resurrect anew
Like the Son and the Holy Spirit himself
You will too become victorious of death
Author notes
yo yo yo wats happenin
A contest entry
- sad, life or maybe just about what ever! by DelaneyDisaster.
443 points, ended March 2, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - let me know... by burning alive.
550 points, ended July 25, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Picture by Myjoy.
450 points, ended November 12, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - loosing a loved one by karas.
400 points, ended November 25, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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good job and good luck
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Beautiful write great job!
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this is good, really emotional, heart felt, raw feelings. Well done and good luck.
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Where people go to find an everlasting peace
Among the spirits you will be pushing up daisies
For in the great One above I do believe
He who knows you well and gives life
Will spare you and protect you in this moment of strife
this is great to know and understand -
Very sad. Did you see that I wanted happy entries though? LOL. Oh well, I'll still consider you for wins. LOTS of other people did sad writes too lol so I won't bother you for that. Great poem! Thanks for your entry and good luck in the contest
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aw that's so sad. I have a 2 year old niece... actually she's standing right next to me... and I just couldn't imagine what I would do if anything happened to her... ah well... great work, keep it up, and good luck in the contest.
-Angel- -
ah i like it its a nice poem, it has some great parts in it and its sad, i really like it, i think its an awesome poem, good luck in the contest
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You've captured the despair of losing a loved one in a powerful way. This is difficult to read, because it is so very sad- it makes the heart ache.
Nicely done.
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i am really not finding any word to xplain how good this poem is . I really like this type of writings... i hope u'll provide many more like this 1. and if u dont , i will feel very sad for sure...
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Very beautiful and you did a wonderful job expressing in words the pain of a loss but then grabbing onto the hope at the end with the inner peace that things are better know for the one lost. woderful write so much feeling, thank you so much for sharing. peace
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Very well done
Well, all those other comments. A hard act to follow, I agree with them. Very good write/read. -
solid use of imagery and such a consistant theme throughout this piece. It's very well written and the ending fits perfectly - that's not easy to do.
well done! -
This whole piece just realy moved me. It is so beautifuly constructed from beginging to end. My favorite was the last two lines as they made me smile its kind of like the sunshine through the rain.
huggles
~Lena~ -
Very powerful poem indeed. You have done a magnificent job in expressing yourself, you are really reaching out to everyone reading this poem almost as if they can feel what you can.. Very emotional, and very very good!
XX elle XX -
Very sad, you have used some very good images, similes and metaphors in this telling poem, thanks for sharing.
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very good
A very emotive poem and a subject still very raw to your heart.
Beautifully expressed, it made me cry. I hope the 2 year old went peacfully but know that is little consolation when one so young is taken.
. I also loved the lines 'Each time I look up at the sky to see a thousand os stars and yours doesn't shine'
Thank you. A very beautiful poem
Edited on Aug 02, 1:03 because 'Spelling error'. -
beautiful, well descritive and deep, great imagery, well planned out. great write! keep it up! =)
--allysha.<3 -
Thank you for entering! There is a degree of this, I imagine, which will ring true for anyone reading it. The subject matter is just general enough that anyone can see themselves working their way through the poem, the emotions, the motions, and believing themselves a part of it for a time. At least I did
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very good
THis was very beatiful. For some reason this poem grabed my heart and twisted it and made tears appear. I don`t how to explain how i felt when i read this peom. But this is .......oh my i can`t decribe how much i loved this piece or writing. You have emerged a feeling and thought within me that i thought i had lost thank you....i got my feeling of hope back i loved it. -
wow, i really liked how the end gave a glimmer of hope, it was very well done. i particularly like the lines, "Each time I look up to the sky
to see a thousand of stars and yours doesn't shine"
they were so skillfully written and sounded so good!
fantastic poem, keep up the amazing stuff!
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