A wonderland full of fanciful sweets,
A child's dream!
A marvelous mix of candy and treats,
(With whipped cream!)
There's chocolate,
there's sour,
there's gummies,
candy flowers.
There's mints,
there's gum,
there's licorice,
there's butter rum.
A wonderland full of fanciful sweets,
A child's dream!
A marvelous mix of candy and treats,
(With whipped cream!)
Author notes
Written August 1st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Ages 12 & Under Only - You pick the subject (prewrites allowed) by Amunet Wolfbane.
300 points, ended August 20, 2006, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I love your mind so much. Your thinking is so great. I'm one of your Fans
Candy. your making me hungry. Candy is a childs dream. aahh thinking of it makes me want candy so much. I hope you won!! winner. please se my poems one day!
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OOO i love candy!
Luv,
Candy
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Sweet!
Nice catalog of the things I shouldn't eat (cuz I'm old and fat). I'll keep this list to remind me to keep my pennies in my pocket (see, I told you I was old - when I was a kid, you could still buy things with pennies).
Your rhyme scheme is fine, though you started out ABAB (sweets/treats dream/cream) but ditched it almost right away (but come on, you have to have chocolate, and what does that rhyme with?).
I think you can work on your rhythm some more. You don't have to have a set meter for this kind of poem, but it's good to have it flow smoothly from one line to the next.
A wonderland of sweets,
a child's dream,
candy and treats,
some whipped cream.
In ta-tums, this translates to:
ta-tum ta-tum ta-tum
ta tum tum
tum-ta-ta-tum
ta tum tum
I might try it this way.
A wonderland full of fanciful sweets!
A child's dream!
A marvelous mix of candy and treats!
(With whipped cream!)
ta tum-ta-ta tum ta tum-ta-ta tum
ta tum tum
ta tum-ta-ta tum ta tum-ta-ta tum
ta tum tum
You can vary the rhythm if you want to, but it's helpful to your reader if the line at least starts out the same way.
A wonderland full of fanciful sweets!
A child's dream!
A marvelous mixture of candy and treats!
(With whipped cream!)
There I added a syllable in the third line, so it isn't exactly the same, but it still flows smoothly as you read it (I think).
I wouldn't change this poem, it's a winner. But as you write new ones, you might want to pay attention to the rhythm and be sure that you don't have any accidental bumps in the rhythmic road. :-)
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nicely done. ok im craving a candybar right now...
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mmmm
sweets 
I'm at work now but you managed to make me crave for some I'd fancy an ice cream right now 
I think you've done a great job here 
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Yummy, now I want some candy. I like your poem very much and good luck.
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OMG...I'm hungry now... candy and sweets aren't omly for children..we adults like them too!...Peace and
...shzoosy
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You really did an GREAT job on this. I loved it the first time I read it and still do. Bravo!
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ok beside the fact i now have a major case of the munchies, you wrote "there's sour" sour what? and you wrote "there's some" some what?
other than that i like the rhyming scheme it's good.
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this made me go hunt for some candy, .... ...shzoosy
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Bravo! I think this could give anyone a sweet tooth Excellent job on this
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Oh god this is giving me a sweet tooth!I'm gonna need to go out and buy as many sweets as possible.lol. Excellent poem.
Thanks for sharing this. Good luck in the contest.
Brian
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