in the room where i lost my soul,
i sat again and ached for addiction
the kind that kept me up at night
starving for euphoria and epiphanies
caused by the amphetamines
[the pretty kind]
this carpet has gotten dirtier
since the last time i was here
and the songs on the record player
don't cause the same reaction
i feel myself go numb again
and remember where it was
i left my past, so many months ago
i feed my teenage heart
with coffee tables covered in lines of meth
and i watch my atheist best friend
find jesus in a stairwell next to her boyfriend's
crumpled jeans
she tells me that god will save my dirty mind
and take my hand through heaven
i puked all over her dress
and decided to fuck a handsome heroin addict
in the confession booth[or is it box?]
they teach you lies until it drives you mad
and your therapist tells you that
life is just a series of phases
but
they don't know that these "phases"
lead to nowhere but the bottom
the place where
i cover my body in cocaine sunshine
and witty track-marked boys
and there isn't a home anymore
because we all miss a place that isn't there
home never feels the same
after you come back from the deepest parts of insanity
home is only a boundary you live 18 years of your life trying to cross
i stare down at scars
and wish for a something beautiful to replace them with
and all i ever get is more of them
more never-could-have's
and i-want-to-be's
never filling up my mornings
and nights
with happiness
unless intoxicated or under some fucking influence
and this is what they call life
[or at least, mine]
i thought poetry was supposed to save me.
Author notes
i don't want to explain it.
Written August 1st, 2006
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1 - 9 of 9
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I have never read anything that reached through my soul quite this much. Thank you SO much for sharing it with us all. And most especially, for sharing it with me.
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oh wow, i love this and i relate way too well, more than I can even say. I hate how addictions get the tightest hold on you and won't let go until you give in. I'm trying to get away but I feel like I just can't. I've gotten "help" before but it doesn't always work. Great job on showing all of the emotions in this.
xx
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"i thought poetry was supposed to save me."
You.
You Are Just Brilliant. That Ending?
Was Icing on the [fucking] cake.
This entire write was just
one amazing word after another
and and and I think I'm in loveeee.
♥
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i like it, your words scream from this page theres so much sadness and dissapointment with yourself! and my favorite lines were the coffee table covered in lines of meth.. quite the sight it is, sheets and sheets and sheets and all you do is drool and want one, but honestly, I'd say heroin and meth are the hardest to conquer, and i like how you incorrporated the jesus factor thats cool, i have friends like that too who are like Jesus forgives you Jesus loves you, if he loved me then i wouldnt fucking be where im at, ya know? beautiful write.. & Im starting another contest right after this for Addicts, hope to see you enter!
Abused
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i really love your style of writing , it is so raw and brutal
I LOVE IT ^_^
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I love this. I honestly do. It's real and it's out there and it means something, and you wrote about it so beautifully... I like taking ugly things and making them beautiful. Pain makes for some of the best art. I'm sorry that you had to go through so much in such a short time- nobody deserves that. Maybe I haven't been in your situation, so I can't pretend that I know what you went through, but I admire you for being able to survive. That's all you can do nowadays. Survive, and hope that you learn something and grow stronger from it all. You have a talent many would kill for, so flaunt it, use it, hone it... just don't waste it. Stay strong, and keep writing.
-Hannah -
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag this is the most amazing thing ive read in a long time. you took an over used subject and made it unique and gorgeous.
uuugh this is great. -
i thanks you for taking the time to care even when you don't even know me. i appreciate that. i've gotten help before but all in all, i realized the only person that could more or less "save" me was of course, myself. i have a long way to go but it's getting there. thanks again.
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ahhh.. this is crazy... eek... i like this write, it is well written but ahh... poetry does not save you, you have to save yourself, poetry is just what some people may call there remedy, what they turn to, to calm themselves, everyone is different.. maybe you turn to drugs like some turn to poetry, some turn to music, or books, drinking... you know, i cant say that i have been in your situation, but i have been through down streaks, where in my opinion it was bad, and you know, i did a lot of things that were unhealthy or hurt my body... but all in all i guess you just have to be strong, and try to find some other way of coping with pain anger, confussion, hurt.. i think maybe you may dislike the fact of me saying all this to you, but i am not sure... so sorry... but this poem hits me.. hard... and you know, Jesus is no one to blame, Jesus is there to teach us of hope and belief and trust and give us something to look forward to, despite the fact that really he may not be there, teach us to believe in what sometimes we may be uncertain of... i dunno, it doesnt matter... i'm sorry you are going through all this, my advice, be strong, try to think positive, no mater how hard it is, try to find other things to keep you sane other than drugs, and alchohol... coffee is bad for you too ( i read your profile) but all in all it is way better than drugs, and those of the drugs you claim to be taking... i hope you get through this, you are young, these are such important years of your life, your future depends on what you do with your life now, there is always time to change, dont ever think that you cant change the road you are on, just believe you can, and that will be the start.. i have belief, and i will try to support, you, i dont care if i dont know you, i still care, because it is painful to see someone hurting their life so much.. you know maybe you've been through hell in life, maybe you dont know what else to do.. but there are ways, just reach out for them, take the help... if not, if you have no desire to make a diffrence or stop hurting yourself, then i suppose no one can help you... i am sorry if you dislike some of the things i have said here... i do not know how you shall respond/react to this.. but i hope not in a bad way.... be strong, take care.. ~Ashley~
Edited on Aug 01, 4:40 because 'spelling'.
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