The Royal Suite- A Psychoanalytical Encounter

 

 

 

   Sit down. Let us play first, as betrothed vampires should…

   OK, that was refreshing. Now lie on the couch here, we will begin our psychoanalytical session...

 

   So you say if you find happiness, someone else will be unhappy? Strange, for I just had that train of thought today… involving Britney Spears… it was like this, we were best friends, and looking for a penthouse in Manhattan. It just happened that I was more popular than her at the time, her being dumpy and with that loser husband, which entitled me to the Royal Suite. Now she truly desired this, to be back on top, and that is where her game began. First she tried bluntly asking if she could have it. She could see that it was an unjust request, so she entered into this ‘Don’t you want to see me happy? Aren't you my friend?’ routine.

 

   Now, think about it, my sweet Vampy wife. Here is a person whose happiness looks inward, with no thought of others. Was she concerned about my happiness, about what I’ve earned? Hell no! Yet she expected that from me toward her, and my complete and utter selflessness on top of it all! You can see what a **** she was!

 

   So there I was, confronted by a royal self-centered bitch who I thought was my friend and cared just an ounce for me. Well, I was thinking wrong, wasn’t I!

 

   So I stood there and thought for a moment as to my immediate response, without strangling her, and I began with a slow summary of the situation so that it just might sink in to her cold-hearted brain… “Let me see if I have this right, you want me to give you the Royal Suite so you can be Number One, and rob me of my time in the spotlight. So there would be little loser me down in the loser’s suite, and you on top of the world again. Further, to rub it all in, if I did give in to you, I'd deserve to be in the loser’s suite for falling for a piece of **** like you!”

 

   Well, needless to say, I took the Royal Suite, and Britney said she was not my friend anymore. Sad, because for a happy ending, she would have had to have seen the error of her behavior, but people with that affliction do not easily change.

 

   Well, thank you, oh dark wifey one of the afterlife, you’ve helped me work my way through that terrible nightmare! Now what was your problem again?