Scented confusion through riddles that cry
Tasteless diffusion to lay down and die
Blissfully roping the stars as they fall
Ignorantly hoping to capture them all
One cannot blame the people as they fight
One and the same it is their only right
People who sought the truth of love
The lies they bought from the people above
The only truth lies in themselves
Life's like a loop they need help
It fills their souls the ties that bind
It leaves a big hole in the back of their mind.
Scented confusion is the tie that binds
Tasteless diffusion in the back of their minds
Blissfully roping the stars that call
Ignorantly hoping to escape with them all
These people are enslaved, not fare, not right
One of these hopeful days, they will escape into the night
One cannot blame the people as they fight
One and the same, it is their only right...
Author notes
An Ollllld piece of work that I would like to bring back to the top of my works...I believe this is my "Magnum Opus" and I would love to see it have the most comments. If you like it well enough...nominate it for the front page spotlight using the link to the right under "Options"
In a list
A contest entry
- okay i dont know how many contests this is for me but i felt like starting another one so here it go by -shiningstars-.
300 points, ended August 12, 2006, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Please, Anything... by piccola.
450 points, ended April 24, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything At All by Heavenly Angel.
26000 points, ended June 9, 2007, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please Nominate for the Front Page Spotlight!
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Um society as a whole!
Welldone I love the rhyme and flow of this piece
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In love with this write .............
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Bravo!
Worthy of a spotlight...beautiful...loved the line life is a loop, but in essence just all of it, touched me, you captured what does bind up so many, in so many ways... Blessings dear friend.
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So heartfelt and beautiful!!!! There is an ambience to this piece beyond its words and form. It has a presence within it. If people don't understand your words it's because they haven't felt this. Surely you must have put your heart in here?
Thank you so much for sharing.
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I would so love to hear any further elaboration you might have for this piece, I feel its very deep,but that you could add even more just through your own thoughts while penning, I feel it saying so much, I would just like your added commentary, I suppose.
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Hmm. Reminds me of society. Good Poem though. Sorry. Not up to doing a full and proper comment tonight...
Claire-Anne
...you still get the clappy dudes.
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WOW!!!!!!!!!! that is all that i can say
this poem is absoulutly superb
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Constructive?
Lines 3 and 4 are brilliant stuff. Lines 1 and 2 sound great, but if you look close, it's really just a thing that poet's do to make a poem sound better than it is. There's really no meaning there. But hey, you've got lines 3 and 4 to fall back on. From there, the poem just falls apart. I'm not sure if this helps, but you had stated this was the "Magnum Opus" of your work. You're only 19, so you can work, and write, and write some more. I wrote a bunch of good stuff before I was 19, but didn't really understand it until I was a lot older. I hope this helps, but I'm sure it will just piss you off. -
In addition, I agree with everything you have said in the poem- I cannot argue with the actual content. It is great stuff.
Good work! -
I agree with what has already been said by others- your idea is great, but the expression is lacking a little.
For example, it is important that the first line is clear to engage the reader, but as said, the first line of this is just a bit obscure. Interesting language, though. I guess you could say it makes the reader want to continue reading to find out what the poem is about, lol.
Plus the fact that you repeated your rhyme words 'bind' and 'mind' is not very effective in my humble opinion.
Other than these little niggles, this is a great poem- congrats on getting a spotlight!
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A thought provoking write.... clear and exact...a very well written poem ... Love it and reading it again and again..........
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I enjoyed your wording and your message. The first two lines of the poem stopped me on my first read. I read them twice and was unable to gather what you wanted to tell me.
The second couplet of the first stanza got me back on track.
I felt a little pulled between imagery and phrasing that was perhaps beyond me, juxtaposed with what was concrete and easily accessible.
I would love to hear you speak this poem, I would like to hear how you would work with the meter, and rhyme.
There are a lot of good things working within your poem. Keep up the good work and I always recomend writing out more lines to explore/expand/express the thoughts you have down in a new way. It allways brings about more clarity for me.
Thanks for placing this where I could find it. I enjoyed the read.
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I loved it Raymond! Its beautiful, it speaks to the reader if they really open up to it and let it in. Fantastic job sweet heart, I nominated it for spotlight on the front page and sent 144 points your way for advertising. Good luck dear one.
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Bravo! Looooved it!
You totally...
. I am not 
!
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honestly
I liked the poem with the exception of the first stanza. I guess I just don't get the symbolism of these first few lines, I thought it was very obscure. There is a big message here, and with that exception, well worded.
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It talks about wrong decisions that people make in life. They are "scented confusion" --in other words, they confuse us because they are appealing (scented) and we are naturally attracted to the appealing scent of wrong doing. Tasteless diffusion speaks of these wrong doings also. When we choose to do them, they are only a temporary fix...they only make us happy for a short time, and then we must go out and do it again...(like a drug addiction...we have to keep soothing our addiction by doing it over and over again). Thus the word tasteless...we become so accomodated to doing it..it becomes tasteless..it doesn't effect us anymore. Roping the stars speaks of people roping in all of the wrong things; mainly earthly possessions and ignorantly hoping to catch all of them..and store them up...instead of focusing on what matters most; the more abstract things such as love, peace, generosity.
I hope I have enlightened your understanding a little
Love and Light
~Raymond~
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I'm reminded of how some couples get cantankerous with each other, argue, hurt their feelings, etc...but something always holds them together through the ups and downs. This is mostly a good thing, I think.
A very good poem, shows lots of forethought and a certain wisdom
Excellent !!
Dee
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This is definatly one of the best poems I have read for awhile.Like what you said and how you said it.You show alot of wisdom in these words wisdom that cannot be ignored.Great job.
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thought provoking and wonderful, made alot of sense in a rip your heart out kind of way, well done, i think it would make a pretty good song also...........damned nice lyrics...........
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One cannot blame the people as they fight
excellent work - and can relate this to what happened recently in the middle east - Gaza, the last 2 lines.
thanks for sharing
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how did you not win anything with this? awesome job, i love it
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Lovely poem...
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I'm suprised you haven't gotten any trophies for this poem.Its amazing. You did a very good job. I LOVED the personification you put into it, especially for confusion. I wouldn't change this poem at all. It had amazing flow and it rhymed beautifully as well. Good job.
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hmm
Scented confusion is the tie that binds
Tasteless diffusion in the back of their minds
I like the repetition, not sure couplets work best, why not mix it up a bit I really enjoyed the read
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I have read this three times now and still I am getting something elusively different each time. I love poems like these, they make me think and wonder about things out of the norm. I am not sure this is your Magnum Opus but rather feel that you will improve and dig deeper as you age and learn more about yourself and the universe around you. Continue to look within for the answers, there are not that many of us doing that these days and I welcome you to this select group. I hope that you win the gold and I will select you to be highlighted!
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Well penned and flowed well cam imaginr how much effort it took to bring this about. I do mot do contests and did not realize that people could be so shallow. Great work.
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Very good; thank you so much for sharing this in this contest
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I love this line "Blissfully roping the stars as they fall Ignorantly hoping to capture them all" That's a beautiful line...you've just been entering it in the wrong contests if it isn't winning...thanks for entering it in this too.
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great
okay well 1.) i thought it was great. how you rhymed the middle of the sentences to the 2nd one, and the ending of the sentences. (if that makes sense) it really made it easy to read it flowed perfectly. im dumbfounded on why you only got two applauses. 2.) i think that its awful that they cant give an applause just because they're in the same contest as you. the number of applauses isnt going to be the reason that you would get picked...well ill leave you an applause. great job and keep writing. -
I love this poem and the ending matches the beggining.~ I LOVE IT~ you did a fantastic job with the rhyming and the flow. Both are written well and the words are different. You did fantastic.
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too many big words for me
had to go to the dictionary again and again
lolz
anywayz, this is a really great poem
especially the last line
One cannot blame the people as they fight
One and the same, it is their only right...
it puts alot of emphasis in the whole poem
great job
GOOD luck in the contest
ps: i dont understand why the person up there cant give an applause just cuz they're in the same contest...
i was in the same contest as u for the ~Melissa~
strange .. anyway
~NeVeR~ -
Oops, sorry , i guess my poetry can get carried away at times
I love what I have done with this piece... i believe it is one of my best works yet
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very good
exelent work here with this write..now i cant applaud you for i am in the same contest ! (did not realise when i clicked sorry) exelent work though, thank you for sharing it with us and good luck in the contest
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