a soldier stands
where bodies lie
tears drop
Author notes
Written July 30th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Haiku Contest!! by KnightOfTheRose.
325 points, ended April 29, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Haikus by MyDecember.
450 points, ended March 17, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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even without the picture, your haiku created a powerful scenario ... perfect form, simple words, not one syllable too long or too short ... I love haiku that balances the first and last line in a way that both may be considered as fragment or phrase ...
bravo !
maa
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picture is worth more than a thousand words
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awwww! this poem is sooo good! and soo strong!!! I really enjoyed reading this piece!! a beautifully written haiku!!! I really liked the background and the picture you chose went with the piece sooo well! my favorite line of the piece was definitely the way you ended it "tears drop" it was soo strong!!! thank you soooo much for entering!! excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!!
-Steve- -
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xxIHateHumansxx
Thank you so much for your kind comments about my haiku. I am glad that you enjoyed it.
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Thank you so much for your comments earthstar. I am glad that you enjoyed my haiku.
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very good
very nice and creative you have done a nice job with this write. Thanks for all of youre kind comments take care -
Thank you for your coments myron. They are appreciated. You might make a poet out of me yet.
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a soldier stands
where bodies lie
tear drops
this revision makes the poem much better Polly. thanks.
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Thank you so much for you comments again myron. I will get one of these right yet.
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compelling
a soldier stands
where bodies lie
commiserator
hi Polly i like the concept behind this compelling haiku. the images in the first two lines are very clear and i like the comparison between the dead & the living. your language is plain in the haiku manner and you have a good break in the syntax at the end of your second line. so far, so good.
my only concern is with your third line which seems to me to be more of a statement than an image. You're TELLING us the soldier's a commiserator, rather than SHOWING us. if you revise this third line by putting in an image, you'll have a better haiku.
i look forward to your response,
myron.
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