Heaven
I'm hot for you, my body aches
It's one of the seven sins, but the word I cannot say
I see you from a distance
and thoughts I keep inside
My insides tighten and wetness floods my mind
Thoughts that I have, would make a preacher blush
Oh how I wish I could use the word, but
for now you have to guess
Simple word but not allowed, maybe my feelings
can speak out loud
If not, my body can let you know
I will surely go to hell for
I've got such fire down below
I see you from afar and my thoughts are
going to explode
if I get the chance to show you
you'd know what I'm saying
One of the seven sins I have will surely
take you to heaven!!
Author notes
This was a challenge not using the word. Can you guess what it is?
Written July 30th, 2006
A contest entry
- [Options.Points.][What else do you want?] by Calligraphy.
500 points, ended August 9, 2006, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Very Good
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and 
that was one of the funniest things i've read in a while, funnier because i can relate to not wanting to actually verbalize the word. oh goodness, that was good, nice flow, easy to read and understand and, wow, just liked it a lot! keep up the great work and thanks for the comment! best wishes
~shadowlyn -
Wow, this is really interesting. a deadly sin taking you to heaven. a world like that would be nice, *devilish smile* anyway, your poem did have a certain aura about it that made it different. I loved the structure of it. the verse about the preacher was very funny, i really enjoyed that. keep up the good work! i hope you win the contest!
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Two small problems:
1) "Thoughts that I have, would make a preacher blush"... if you take out the comma afer have, the line will read much smoother. You don't need the comma.
2) The last line. One exclamation point is sufficient.
Other than that, I did enjoy this. Very tongue-in-cheek, as mulbiles said, and a nice easy read. It goes down smoothly and leaves the reader with a cheerfully irreverent sort of feeling. It's funny, though... I think it's hard to make a preacher blush. Have you ever tried? I'm not religious, but I have a feeling they've heard it all in the confessional. Which, oddly enough, helps illustrate your sin. Best of luck in the contest!
<3Hannah -
I LOVE THIS POEM...in fact it is now in my fav's list...Peaches...I Love this...Lol.
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Very tongue in cheek! A really enjoyable write! I love the contrast between thoughts and how they may decide on your ending fate.
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