Plaid
{insert laughter here}
Because you know you want to
Put the plaid into perspective, put the girl
inside her box
-inside herself
{insert. her. here.}
Where the bed becomes your bed
And the laughter’s not in your head anymore
but ringing, singing, singeing her ears
Where she does not have to stand or tell people her name.
Tell her not to cry, when you take her too hard
Tell her it only hurts to laugh
~This hurts you, more than it hurts her~
{insert sneer here}
Apply the pressure
Mostly,
you set her out to pasture
Pleasure is in spit of your tongue,
lash with all the reasons that females don’t deserve kindness
{insert the river of her eyes}
Decomposition feeds, breeds, blooms the grass green,
so proving that everything is prettier without
voices
…without choices
Wonder if she hopes that when the fog lifts, it will be
that she finally has vanished with it,
the time it takes for you to circle round and come back again
But there will be moments,
When you take her hands against all your negating words,
all the things that say, you will never want her
hold them tight-
While you tie them to the bed posts
Kiss them like you care
Say you never knew how soft she was
and never does the ground seem as warm
as it does then
{insert-
insert-
insert silence…}
Author notes
...
"You can't judge an internal injury by the size of the hole." ~ Salman Rushdie
Picture acquired:
www.deviantart.com/deviation/15892620/
Written July 30th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything by Nam.
900 points, ended August 25, 2007, 97 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Bruises Aren't Just On Her Ego Anymore by Exodus.
300 points, ended September 13, 2007, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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I really loved the repetition. It was obvious without being obnoxious. I'm not sure what else to say, it's incredibly beautiful, and at the same time shocking for the hideous subject, if that makes sense?
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wow, this is very intense and dramatic. i like your formatted and the insertion of this and that, adds so much to this poem. this was very eerie to read but i know some people that could probably be like this. i think you took the theme of this contest to a whole different level with this piece. best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed
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This is so impressive.....I love the form you use! It is so fitting.....adds to the dramma and intnsity of your words....nicely done!
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hi there ash, fancy meeting you here
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Amazing
Poignant, introspective, reflective...just plain intense. The picture is so damn sad and the poem, with its metaphor and everything...just wow.
You've plucked my female strings here and I just want to hug the next woman I see and tell her not all guys are complete assholes...wow.
This was a beautiful, but sad piece. I applaud you twice and am wishing for a third.
You're a great poet.
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Loved it.
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I'm speechless. All I can say is.... wow
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You have quite a unique voice. I don't know why, but this poem made me think of the avant garde style of acting... Maybe it was the pacing. But anyway, I enjoyed it. It was refreshingly original among the sonnets and woe-is-me therapy pieces. Well done.
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wow
omg, this is amazing, though not sure i have the right words to describe this. the ending, wow. -
Ah, yes I believe I found it there. From your recent on-going contest right? I hope I will be, not sure I really got the idea of it though. It was indeed, very interesting though. I'll at the very least read some entries. I like the way you set it up, even though I don't quite understand. Though my ignorance can be partially contributed to being sleep deprived and sick.
Edited on Aug 29, 1:18 because ''. -
LOL I presume you found this from the contest page? Will you be joining us there?
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Holy shit. Fucking amazing is all I can say.
-Allura- -
this is so far from cliche
ah
opinions can vary so
I like the music in this
this inserts
the pacing
dark
sad
strong energy
I enjoyed this poem and the photograph works with it wonderfully. -
THIS.
Ive read it before.
But i dotn knwo if I ever comented it.
It really inspired my life<33
I'm not much good when it comes to leaving comments.
So I will just say. This was great. -
Cliche?
How? Maybe the comment was cliche.. because it's cliche to say something is cliche??? {insert punishment for overusing the word cliche here} 
You took me on a journey through the dark with this write. I've been in a similar mood as of late, and as bad as this may sound I suppose it's somewhat of a comfort to know there are others that can relate (excuse me for being a little too human
).
This is too deep and too personal to delve any further - I'd drown LOL! Just know that I'm very grateful for this piece, as I see bits of me between the words.
Thank you so much for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Stacy
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This was absolutely amazing...ohmygod... Loved it. I shall applaud you. I hope to enter your contest inspired by this piece; it looks like a fun challenge. Again, this was amazing...excellent work.
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Don't stress out. Just let it come to you...
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I have been studying to pen something for your contest. I clicked this link from there and realized as soon as I saw the title I had already read it...it is even better the next time around. You are so talented. It is going to take me forever to pen something I feel worth an entry. I am so honored to read such exquisite poetry...Trina
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What a great link, I'm glad I came into your parlor. Nothing cliche here..nope.
A very original, and creative write.
Sad perhaps, more a sense of resignation is what I get though.
Wonderfully scripted, love the use of emotion~ insert admiration here~
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an exquisite example of your pandora's box...you amaze me
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~knocks on screen~ guess who's here.....
i really liked this one. [do i ever not like one? lol... very rarely]
anyway, i like the way you created this... with the insert heres and theres. and i like the way you referred to 'the girl' instead of a 'me' or a 'you' but instead a third person, so it was as if you stepped away and just wrote from the ominous point of view.
i thought it was terribly sad. to me, it sounded like it was of an abusive relationship.
my favorite part:
Tell her not to cry, when you take her too hard
Tell her it only hurts to laugh
~This hurts you, more than it hurts her~
that was so cynical in nature. it triggered something...
i would highlight a bunch of other parts, but i'm afraid then i'd feel like i am spamming for points.
it was just great all together... totally sad. but great. -
Different in a cliched way? I'm afraid I don't get that at all. And you've seen this layout before, have you? I'd like to know where.
There is nothing cliche about my work. And I take that offensively. -
Well, here I am. I told you I would be around, try to comment in the way I use to... when I was a whole girl. Now I am merely bits and pieces.
I seem to be the odd one this round (this round. LOL) I don't like the picture. I don't know, maybe it just reminds me of something I prefer not to see. I have a bedspread, though, that looks surprisingly similiar. It does compliment the piece, and especially the title.
It seems you have come back, full force, Blkwidow77 style. I've missed this, though you are still prosey. I guess we all go through phases, and stay in them until we play them out. And then (if anything like me) walk out of it without looking back. Like my odd "sliding" format I used a while back. Boy, did I stay in that phase for a while. But, anyways...
I love your little {inserts}... they really compliment (that's my word for the week. Compliment. I rarely give those out, anymore) the sarcastic tone of this. I love sarcasm. It's the lost art form, I say.
"Pleasure is in spit of your tongue," <--- is this missing a word, or a letter? Pleasure is in the spit... or pleasure is in spite? Me's a bit confused.
"Tell her not to cry, when you take her too hard
Tell her it only hurts to laugh
~This hurts you, more than it hurts her~
{insert sneer here}" <--- This, though, hit my soul (spirit? That which truly feels.) And damn, did it hurt. For what reason, I do not know. Some surpressed memory?)
Anyways, it's a pleasure to read you. The real you.
Though, I honestly didn't get the pro gay comment. Perhaps I am just dense. I've been told. Steve called me a dumb ass last night. Perhaps he is right.
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This was different but in a cliche way... I know that weird and contradicting, but I don't know how else to word it. I have seen this lay out in poetry on this site millions of times and yet you have something different here... I really loved the picture. Very powerful.
Amanda -
Very unique, and so very upsetting, i like the inserts a lot
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That was amazing, and unique... I liked it! you wrote that very well, expressed it with depth, and made an awesome mental movie with these words.
NMNM
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I loved that for its more than a little bit clever and wonderfully articulate. Sometime we cannpt understand who we are until we have lost who we were. Avoiding tumbling into crassness by mentioning that one of my favourite pasttimes is being inserted into a box, this piece had me rivetted. I so enjoy your writing and this is a stunning example of why.
David -
love it! what an amazing write! i loved the form!
"Tell her not to cry, when you take her too hard
Tell her it only hurts to laugh
~This hurts you, more than it hurts her~
{insert sneer here}"
it was tite, and a good topic...it all fit well im trying to say =]
thanks for sharing this
♥ Lynn -
original. I enjoyed it.
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wow. that was wonderful. the style in which it was written adds to its many great qualitie. goood job.
*Faded Rose -
I agree with another commenter, the insert lines really drew the attention and enhanced rather than detracted from the piece. It helped insert (pardon the redundancy) pauses in the mental meanderings that the stanzas held that allowed you to fully ingest and digest the meaning in each expressive phrase. This was incredible. I don't believe I've read any of your work before this, but this makes me want to seek you out and explore your pages. Well penned. Good luck in the contest.
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This was awesome. I love the style, the way you wove the words. The content was emotional and hard hitting. It was an all-around great poem. Great job!!!
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wow you are really talented this was well i am speechless and i usually have alot to say so thats a big thing this poem is so powerful
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I keep wanting to make it to your page. I have read a couple of these unique masterpieces you pen. Aside from that others keep telling me you are an amazing talent. Please be patient as I will get there. I have like four contests right now...lol. Not to mention my husband, four kids and part time job...I love this...the way you did the inserts was great. The flow, the form, the raw truth...exquisite...Trina
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wow, my mouth literally hung open for a few minutes.
you are an amazing writer. you had incredible word use, and they just flowed beautifully, not to mention the subject which made the poem.
astonishing, really -
Really? Are they like unicorns, or something?
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Well done poet friend! Well done indeed. The "insert...." lines truly caught my attention, and I found myself, while reading, actually doing the things in the brackets- laughing, sneering. It was strange actually, to have noticed I was doing it, but was a testiment to the strength of the poem. Thank you very much for entering such a captivating write.
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Great title. Great opening. It has a rhythm and moves. I like where you left holes, made insertions.
There's a mesmerizing interplay between, 'say' and 'silence' throughout creating a bullying effect.
I'd say this is one of your best. -
beautiful poem
I love this poem, and your style reminds me of a novelist named Chuck Palahniuk. You should read him, he might fit your taste. In fact, I'm pretty sure he would, but then again art is set apart from life, and people are strange. So, all bets are off. You continue to impress me, and have even inspired me to get off my anus, and write a new poem. So, I'm going to do so, now. -
This is good, amazing!
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I do hope you know that all men do not think of women like this. I can sympathize with those women who have been abused and used. Good luck in the contest.
[insert applause here]
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
Excellant/Sad
Pain and greif is evident in this poem although I don't know that as a male I can really relate to it.
Good write/read. -
You have an incredibly talent that's really unique and just wonderful. You style is something I haven't ever seen before, which makes it stand out. You have a great mind and this is really exceptional.
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Outside of the Box
yet another powerfully stated piece painted about the human spirit... LOVE your dark crayon masterpeices.. -
unlike the above reader i dont really have a poem prefrence. although i do hate the shitty love poems i write. this is a masterpiece. i only leave comments when i see something good and this has blown my mind tonight. it made me really uncomfortable wich is hard to do because usually i just get sick and look for another poem.
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This is really good, very prosey.. but as always with you it has a very poetic flow and meter.
The use of [insert here] was really clever, leaving the images to the readers imagination - so we almost forget you have not written the words descriptively.
Good luck in the contest, though you don't of course need it.
Jess -
Good
Well, it's not really my sort of thing, so i don't really like it. But it is a good poem, well written. Just not my personal preferance. -
i think i've read something of yours before
the style...
anyway if that is the case and what i remember is urs...if that is the case...
you never fail to impress me.
great write
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[insert brilliant here]
always scares me [insert smirk here]
Why? [insert why not here]
peace and hugs
Muddy -
Scared? LOL
Why? -
Ok, you have scared me a bit and that is hard to do. Nice poem I think. Keep it up.
@};- Katie
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