Dicynene

So many fucking words
And not one of them will come out

Where is the salvation
Electric shocks and "music" therapy
Who wants to sing? huh? WHO WANTS TO FUCKING SING?

I'm asking you a question.

Too much anger.
That's all these kids trouble
[my anger goes towards the ones who choose
to act like this]

Do you see, that recurrent theme?
Every time we get somewhere its
There again.

What is psychiatry anyway

We went out today Han.
Me and your sister. The rest of
[the real] family. Bought ourselves
Some dinner. get something for yourself.

We waited until you went out and we left you.
We did it on our own.
"That's so sad.  I love my family" - we don't
All have it that easy.
You argue, with your parents, and that's hard??
Do you think you're even in the same ball park?

"She doesn't have a clue does she?".  That's how cans fly.
That's when you BRING THIS OUT.

Its so hot, I'm thirsty.
And getting up, my legs are just too weak.
I can;t do it, i can't leave.
I can't make it.
So I bring you here again.

The birds are too quiet.
There's too much heat.

So much, a clear sea.
As warm as bathwater. Too salty.
To fund your drawn on tears,

An overreaction?
A FUCKING overreaction?
Do you live here, in the real world?
A world with the sun at the centre.
A world of fucking morals, and feelings
[no, yours no longer count]
"besides their our rules, our boundaries"
True, but you don't tell her.
I do.
Its the anger in me, and its gonna come out.
At you, you worthless, manipulative
waste.
I loved you so damned much.
How could you betray me like this?

Just cold now.
No compassion for your stupid, fake face.
And your twisted, self absorbed
persona.
They look at you when you come in the room still
But only with pity now.

And i can never get it out at the time.

I feel worthless, even next to you.


Memories feel like real life.
And everything that hurts is stuck here.
Zoetrope.
Stop pushing the wheel and let me
Slow to a stop.


Figures on the landing are just haze now
In people shape.
Looming, I have never been so fucking
Scared in all my life.

Computer screen blurring out reality.
Imagination taking over.

God, save me from this self creation.
self destruction.


Its underlined by no longer caring.
Why try
If all you ever get is bullshit?
When the people who care
Become the enemy.
And my only words, my worst fear,
Are my only comfort.

Its 3.25
[That's 5.25 Corfu time.]
People getting up.
Going out.
Switching on.
For fuck sake, switch me off.

Its not an overreaction.
If you touch him, you taint him
You're dirty.
So stay the fuck away.

Besides,
Hypocrisy isn't you're colour.

3.31am

It's NOT an overreaction.


is this normal?
In normality
such frailty.
Abandonement.
Who's really dead?
old paper
Petals
"Dust and scratches".
Find the median.

Not useful.
Betrayal?
I'll show you a fucking betrayal

That picture is called loneliness.
You caused it.

FUCK OFF
FUCK OFF
and why can't i tell the truth
Why am i still trapped
After all this time

Did i become too bitter?

Cut the fucking ropes
And tie me down



Phone calls.
Lost messages.
All the words we want to say,
That never come.
They have been chemically removed,
Dried up.
Bleed out.

Vomit resting on my stomach.
I have never thrown up so much in my life.
Warm, acrid.
Choking on it.
That's bile.
Physically, poison coming out.

3.32 am
[u need to sleep]

Get the hell out.
Shut the door behind you.

And please,
Come back.