Eyes closed, great anticipation,
lips trembling, feeling his breath,
then his lips, on my brow,
my cheeks, my chin,
circling round, teasing, making
me crazy with desire…
His tongue meets mine,
as his soft lips
gently tug on my lips,
sucking, releasing,
again and again…
Tongues engaged in
a tug of love,
probing, darting,
deeper now,
more daring,
sliding in and out,
finding their own rhythm,
the rhythm of love...
As our lips meld together,
our hearts beat
faster and faster…
a pulse begins
in the lower regions
that now want to
participate in
the frenzy above
A perfect kiss,
a passionate kiss
sets my body on fire
and fills me with desire…
desire that won't end
until our bodies
become one again
Author notes
Written April 6th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- A KISS by ElmoChick.
260 points, ended April 12, 2003, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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the rhythm of love...
is sent from heaven above
on the wings of a raven dove
this is love
and you set the world ablaze
in these poetic erotic lines of poetry
you take my breath away
in your songs of love today
A perfect kiss,
a passionate kiss
sets my body on fire
and fills me with desire…
desire that won't end
until our bodies
become one again
-
I know that I commented on this. Maybe under your authors page or something, but I for sure did. I liked it then and I still do.
Damon D. Brewer -
Thank you, Tamara
and Tina! I appreciate your good wishes and your very nice comments, unfortunately, the winners were selected and, once again, I wasn't one of them! Tina, I think you're right about "Suddenly", I'm taking it out.
Maureen
-
Oh yea, one thing, I think it reads better without 'suddenly.' that is just my opinion but I read it both with and without and without seemed to flow better. Other than that its awesome good luck!
-
I loved the ending. this is truly a passionate piece. Whew *wipes sweat off brow* wonderful descriptions. You described it so well I felt like I was peeking on this love scene. Beautiful
-
dubba, dubba hope you are de winner
you sure have my vote!!!!!! -
Thanks for the great comment, Kali! Sorry about your lost love... I lost my lover, too....my husband has been too sick to kiss me like this.
-
Groovy
I loved this poem. Really threw me in the mood. Made my heart ache alittle for the love that I lost. Excellent write, Thanks for sharing.
Kali -
Thanks, squeezy! I used your suggestion on the punctuation.
I appreciate your great comment, SendMeJustin!
-
Winner!!!!
wow! that was fantastic! I normally miss rhyme in poems, but i thought that was fantastic! All the best, xxxx -
Saucy, sexy, damn fine!
The language you use here is wonderfully rich and vivid - it really gives the reader and emotional 'buzz' and an image of exactly what you mean.
Bearing this strength in mind, maybe a suggestion for the competition (I'm nervous saying this in case you do worse cause I gave duff advice!! LOL!) could be to 'trim' away on 'overt' punctuation. I once got a piece of advice on playwriting - 'think twice B4 adding exclamation marks ... the reader/actor will put them in with their voice/heart'. Because this poem is so exhilarating in language alone, you could cut (for example) the mark at the end of:
Tongues engaged in
a tug of love,
probing, darting,
deeper now,
more daring,
sliding in and out,
finding their own rhythm,
the rhythm of love!
...because of you imagine the reader, they can already feel that there - the 'message' of the mark is implicit in the text. You could use a teasing, mysterious punctuation method such as a hyphen or '...' drawing the reader into temptation and playing with their anticipation. Anyway, this is just a suggestion- take it or leave it. I could never write anything as exciting and sensual as this, as I have quite a stodgy, solid style - now ... if a contest came up about rocks and mud ... THEN I'd be in with a chance LOL! (BTW- disregard any obvious typos ... I am in my usual web cafe and today the letters missing from the keyboard are (naked keys comin up) e,r,t,o,a,s,d,h,l,c,n,m. Surely they could invest in some new boards, eh???) -
Hi Michael! Thanks for your vote! I've got my fingers crossed!
Hi Angela! I hope your first kiss is wonderful! (They usually are..if you're both in love!) -
Maureen!!! I felt every sense in my bodt go into overdrive. this is soo vivid. Every line just goes deeper and deeper until I felt as though I was drowning in the kiss. Superbly written. I hope my first kiss is something as engulfing as this. Such fire and desire. *sigh*
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Well done! Excellent!
WoW! Could I have one of those? I promise to give it back!
Good luck with the challenge...you've got my vote.
Michael
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