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Anger the Wind



Corn chips don't crack
under the weight your feet make
when you step on my heart.
I don't support the force of your anger
or care.
Candy-wrappers don't crinkle
in your fists
when you tear pictures of us apart.
Words once spoke are still legible
but the snake has shed its skin.
And creases don't puncture my clarity
in the song that tells our story
because when you drop pianos on my head
it doesn't even matter...
because ghosts

can't

feel

solid...

even if they try.

 

Author notes


Written July 28th, 2006

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Comments

  • Rainbow Eater
    August 15, 2006
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    .

  • Rainbow Eater
    August 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    That's cool. There was no passion in the tearing of the photos, and she carelessly stepped on your heart. That's what I got, maybe not though.

  • marrow
    July 28, 2006
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    Title: 9
    This was very fitting, but moreso almost read as a challenge to nature that really created interest in me to read the write.

    Format: 8
    Overall, I don't have much commentary here. It was fine.

    Imagery: 10
    Perfect imagery; it was unusual, unfamiliar and yet all encompassing and sensible when put together.

    Lit. Tools: 9
    As in your last write, you didn't need to use extensive or glitzy elements to stress or enhance your piece. Your imagery reigned as the leading tool in my mind.

    Message: 10
    The last line was the kicker; it was the perfect way to end the poem, and it held a great theme that I think at one time or another we may all relate to.

    Parameters/ Creativity: 8
    The parameters were met, and the creative juices were pretty strong.

    Fluidity: 8
    There was a small bump once or twice, but they were very subtle and did not hurt the piece much at all.

    Enjoyment: 10
    I loved it; personally, one of my most enjoyed of yours in a bit.

    Length: 8
    It was a little short, but not empty. I think if there was a small stanza before what has alraedy been written (as almost a sort of introduction) it would further create a more effective length, but maybe even bring the message more meaning.

    Uniqueness: 10
    Strange, but very enjoyable... and quite 'you.'

    Total: 90