There goes my innocence,
Flushed down the toilet with a tissue.
The sound of water dripping
In ears that hear too much.
Watching
The sink fill slowly.
Sitting on the rug below.
Lazy.
In shock.
In need.
Alone.
Love opens
many doors.
More commonly
Wide, to dirty whor*s like me,
Swing open to a dirty floor,
And filthy rags,
And this purple rug on which I've perched,
Trembling,
In horror.
From fear I
Cry.
Author notes
I have no idea what to say. I hope it makes the requirements! heh. and...I hope you like it! If you comment, I don't mind, BE CRITICAL! If it hurts, that's ok.
Written July 26th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I thought about doing the darker mood set, but I thought I'd give it something innocent instead, and what could be more innocent than pink flowers? I really think that they kind of set it in the almost bitter sweet mood. I just think that the innocence of the background coupled with the words on the page really set the mood I want to create. It's not supposed to be one of horror and darkness, but innocence. Do you see what I mean? Thanks for the great comment!
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One, I don't like the word "bunny".
This isn't really about "love", it's just, when you love someone you do crazy things, and in this case she's done something she considers wrong with some one that she loves, and it makes her feel literally like a dirty whor3. That's what I ment by "Love opens many doors" in some cases it may be the door to disaster.
Edited on Aug 08, 9:51 because ''. -
if you can buy a thesaurus, it will do wonders for your poetry. the simple words will become more fulfilling words and make the poem sound so much more artistic. you have a beautiful poem, but with simple words.
my small opinion of a rewrite for example:
my innocence,
Flushed down the toilet
like a tissue.
it sort of brings the mood down lower to feel the sorrow more,
...Lazy.
......In shock.
..........In need.
...Alone.
Swing .oOPen to a dirty floor,
..And filthy rags,
....And this purple rug on which I've perched?
Trembling
....In horror,
....From fear I
Cry.
(just some suggestions on creativity)
(and to present the mood, the page should have a darker mood to
set with it.)
Edited on Jul 26, 12:19 because ''. -
Very well written. I like the flow style and subject matter. No throwing emotions in my face. NICE!
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that is one of the most distorted meanings of love i have ever come across. come on, i mean, sluts aren't exactly lovers. ignoring this its strong verse, i'll give you that
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YAY thank you!
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ummmmm
i like this one..it is very powerful......you should be proud
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