Hey Alahna

I'm playing a character who reminds me of you
mixed with me, I think.

She liked horses when she was a little girl
but like everything else she abandoned it all
she's had fights with her mom and her little sister has always been such a good kid and she's always been
such a bad one. She isn't resentful because she can't be bothered
to be, and her daddy used to call her a philosopher
before he died.

When she was a teenager she'd lock herself in her room, out of mothers screams, climb out the window and smoke on the roof, fuming and crying and telling herself
yeah, if Daddy was here he'd understand.

Now she drives in cars and parties and she might go to college for philosophy
she peels the sides off of rubiks cubes
and says as long as you're happy you have been a success. So it doesn't really matter what you do. I think she's pretty wise

& I'm beginning to lean towards that point of view because just like her I'm a little tired of caring
and I think she's probably right.

My sweatshirt smells like fantasy spritzes and the blue cigarette smoke of apartment buildings and alchohol, I've been smelling it and imagining the future.