you know
what happens when we have two doors
two doors
of the one room
it makes things
uncomfortable
and unpredictable sometimes
just see
what happened in our case
I was on the brink of
knocking the front door of your room
just to say
I love you
and
at the same time
you were also on the brink of
saying 'I love you'
to some one else
before
you took an exit with him from the
back door
you know...
© PrabhuDayal Khattar
Author notes
Based on the quote..
"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."
-- Stephen Chbosky
A contest entry
- Turn Silver into Gold by Evening Star.
300 points, ended September 8, 2006, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - X- The dark side of love - X by The Hardest Goodbye.
340 points, ended July 9, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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very good
This was a very nice piece. i enjoyed it greatly.
thanks for the entry in my contest
xo
kandy
good luck! -
A very interesting piece. Thanks for entering.
-
wow. i should take life more seriously.
you used the quote well working your way around it by,
speaking of words or love and happiness. thanks & good Luck
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I love this piece. Truly and honestly. I love the, "you know..."
Yes, I do know the irony of these things all too well.
The only thing that bothered me about this piece was the "nick of," and I think it only matters because this piece is short to begin with. I don't think it is grammatically correct to change the idiom "in the nick of time" to "at the nick of"...instead of saying "I was at the nick of" and "You were also at the nick of, you could change it to "I was on the brink of..." or something of that sort. The word sounds similar but conveys a clearer meaning. Just a suggestion. Thank you very much for entering. I can see how the quote relates to this poem, like you are accepted this sad event as part of the sum of life.
Edited on Aug 14, 4:12 p.m. because ''. -
wow....thats realy all i can say. ...wow.....im a very calssical writer...i dont do alot of modern poetry my newest one is a little modern but i almost ALWAYS stick to a ryhme scheme and a meter. but i can respect when sum1 throws down all forms of confinment and doesnt break the rules...just dissmisses them. i can be very releaving sumtimes to see this. so although not my fav style. it is a decent poem
Good Write and God Bless
~poet of dreams~ -
I loved your ending here:
before
you took an exit with him from the
back door
you know...
Very very creative...the whole piece is beautiful..made me think of Gibran's quote from a different direction this time..Thank you for entering my contest andbest of luck
AJ -
you took an exit with him from the
back door
you know...
A deep poem inspired by the quote... Very strong ending too. It flows well too. Keep writing and thanks for sharing,.
DesertRose
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Very creative poem. I loved the imagery of the 2 doors, but I was jarred by the grammatical error in the 6th stanza:
at the same time
you was also at the nick of
saying 'I love you'
to some one else
It should have read "you WERE" instead of "you was."
Otherwise a great write.
Thanks,
Anne -
A slant I did not take on the quote, but one that fits it so well. An agile mind to show sorrow where I could only see joining, This touches me in ways the quote could not. Well done.
Rick -
Yes, I understood the room in it's metaphoric state. Really it was a sad little poem but beautifully composed in your unique style. If there is truth to the poem, then I hope you will meet a more faithful lover to care for you. Some one as special as you, dear poet.
Peace and joy Tara
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Wonderful poem, well done! It's good that you can write a whole poem by just one quote, that's a true talent! Keep up the great work
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thanks for your beautiful words..here in this poem the room is a heart of the girl and...
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This was extremely refreshing. I felt as if I was simply reading a sequence of meddled thoughts poured onto a paper. It was pure and to the point. Little tidbits made it so, especially how you chose to write "and" as an entirely seperate stanza.
I also adored that the end of it seemed unresolved. It adds a romantic, idyllic quality, I think.
However, to tell you the truth, I had a bit of trouble picturing it in my head, (the room, I mean) but that might just be my head foolin' with me.
All in all, excellent job. And have great luck with the contest. -
great
wonderful title
and
so full of an adventure
he's leaving as you are entering -
This is short and sweet...although not so sweet really, on her part anyways. It's always difficult realizing the one you love is leaving, but it's for the best in the end and life goes on. Your poem is beautiful and the imagery is nice.
great job
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Bravo!
Dear Poet, I read this and heaved a big sigh! Jane -
Wonderful job on this! Like always, you have a unique style that I see nowhere else, and it's refreshing! Kimberly G.
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