As to perform heart surgery with just a plastic spoon
I found a certain hope of hers was made way too soon
Despite my love for my love, my survival was my focus
Hard as it was to say to the one who is this gorgeous
Extremely lucky as I am and yet... very unfortunate
My heart has given up on me, or rather sort of quits
It flat-lines... for several months from trying to recoup
She grabs a temporary utensil and here goes the scoop
This heart of mine was back to beating steady as ever
Off went the pressure, seemingly done without a sever
She thinks she's very clever to hide behind some mask
Until I ask to be shown what she used for such a task
No. She says as if offended to why I need to see what it was
Then finally I detect her lie as nothing less than obvious
She couldn't even afford silverware, yet alone a hospital
Now miraculously I stand on my feet and quickly off I stroll
Not that she was at all "expecting" in the first place
For another heart at our young age to fill our plate
It can be tough, me being eighteen and two years older
So I am glad to somehow find the strength to walk away
...
Author notes
Just so everybody has an understanding... this poem is NOT about wanting there to be an abortion for I have added one line to indirectly point this out.
I was also wondering if I followed the rules correctly. This took me about 2 hours to do so I'm not sure I had overlooked anything out of my determination to get this done in time.
If there needs to be more of an explaination... I would be perfectly fine to do so. --
Letting go... of my feelings of hope that she will change her mind as to become patient enough.
Walking away... from the one I felt very lucky to be with.
Giving up the fight... on her pesterizing me almost everyday for us to have children together before I at least obtain a career.
Written July 24th, 2006
A contest entry
- Contest: A Moment You Walked Away From by Heart Sutra.
450 points, ended July 27, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Metaphors, Similies, and Petit Fours by Sugoi Panda.
450 points, ended March 15, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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What I like about it: I love your background.
What I don't like about it: Again, you are another one of the writer's where I can see no obvious flaws or things that displease me.
Great write! Good luck in my contest -
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Thanks Sugoi Panda for having this wonderful contest and for your inspiring "hospitality". I was very surprised that this actually turned out the way it did.
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From many of the other contests. I thought I'd look at all of the ones that have won gold... then I look at the other titles that have caught my attention... I usually wondered why they didn't get chosen instead, but then again... we all have our preferences. Even to get a majority vote is hard to go by, because maybe most people want to read cutesy poetry for instance. I suppose judging can always seem unfair one way or the other... but hey, not all of us can win 1st place in the same contest which would feel wrong.
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I am guessing you mean from this contest directly?
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That would be excellent. I have to say, I've read some great poetry that has won awards... yet there are some that I've seen that seem very child-like or way too confusing for me to follow which I wish there was "always" a full explaination as to why certain submissions were chosen out of courtesy.
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Zayra always has the most wonderful contests, as well as quite a few writers on this site.. The thing is? They are tough judges.. not being mean just honest here.. I've learned quite a lot from this place ( ap ) from the beginning poetry I've written to the poems I write now there is a massive difference.. If you ever wanna learn or experiment hit me up for a list of good poets okay?
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Thanks Rowan Tree.
Well... that was over a decade ago, but I do look back at those moments thinking how close I was to giving myself into her madness... but I thought it would be like robbing a bank... you might get away with the millions for a year or so, but the jail time wouldn't be worth it.
Great contest by the way... I definately look forward to seeing some more such as this one. -
I wondered the same thing.. so things are sorted out then..
hold your ground about your feelings, sometimes like with children it can make or break a relationship..
Take Care,
Rowan Tree -
Thanks zayra yves.
The "yes" and "no" elements each had a different take on what was being said to express how confused I felt.
The glowing smiley faces was to show that I was very happy to be with her again while she kept me in the dark for some time still eager to soon have a child and also signify how proud of myself I became to leave that completely behind me. -
This is certainly a life changing decision and definitely a tough one. I can understand not wanting to have children until one is ready to do so. No matter how old someone is they should never be pressured by their mate to have children if they are not ready. The world does not need any more pain from such complex personal decisions that are forced upon others or made in haste or without a lot of thought. So, I commend you for standing up for what you believed was the best decision in that moment for your own life.
As for the poem itself, the "yes" and "no" element tripped me up and made it hard for me to read. I am also not sure why there are smiley faces when this subject seems pretty complex and grim. The smiley faces create a mixed message. But overall I understood your message. Thank you for sharing it with the contest. -
Thanks "toking dot com" and yahokay389.
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I enjoyed this poem. I loved the metaphor. It was brilliant. My favorite stanza was the first one, it got me hooked. Interesting title as well. Good luck in the contest!
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nutfactor9
Yes.
This heart of mine was back to beating steady as ever
Off went the pressure, seemingly done without a sever
She thinks she's very clever to hide behind some mask
Until I ask to be shown what she used for such a task
pmsl....
good -
Thank you Scarletphantom. I'm so glad that you like it.
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I enjoyed this poem, written well. Nice use of metaphor. Good luck my friend.
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