In peace
may you travel
all the lands of this Earth,
unshadowed by the hand of fear,
in harmony with all that surrounds you.
Then, at the end of your travels
may all of the world know
that you journeyed
in peace
Author notes
This is a Rictameter - I hope.
Written July 23rd, 2006
A contest entry
- peace-blessings ... pay-it-forward ... for all by maa.
333 points, ended August 7, 2006, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
inspirational, and serene, I'm glad I read this today,
thanx for sharing this wisdom through your words! -
This is a wonderful poem. I especially liked the end lines:
"Then, at the end of your travels
may all of the world know
that you journeyed
in peace"
I think journeying in peace is important in this world. In all the travels people make in life if they are peaceful then hopefully that will bring them peace when they look back on their lives to see all the good and peaceful things they've done. Good write. Keep up the good work.
-
this is really nice. i like the shape, which goes along well with the meaning of the poem, and i like the way it sounds almost like a little bedtime prayer. light, soft, gentle, sweet, and hopeful.
~erin rosalee
-
Such lovely thoughts expressed in such lovely manner... cosmicly speaking...
-
Aye, Laddie... 'tis an honourable wish, it is.. and may the winds of astonishment inject your soul with compassion and verve of unimagined purpose.. (sounds more like an ancient Chinese curse...).
Rictameter, huh...? Mmmnnn. Getting quite classy, ey..?
I enjoyed the implication and graceful flow..
Bravo. -
I guess you are right about starting a thought with "And" in terms of strict grammar. "Then" works well. Just for dramtic pause my tendency would be to put a comma after "Then" and/or at the end of the line. But you know how and what you want to say, so the inflections are yours to make. Glad to be of help.
Be Peace! Rod
Edited on Jul 26, 12:33 because ''. -
Thank you Rod for the lovely comment and suggested changes which I have made. I am never sure of the word And after a period, so have changed the and to then. Your feedback on this would be appreciated.
Blessings
Alan -
very hopeful! i like it!
i think it is richameter.. but i could be wrong
Abused
-
Very sweetly written in the spirit of true hope, fitting for those newly arrived upon the journey and all those along the Way. Very good flow and atmosphere. I'd suggest changing the period after "fear" to a comma, putting a period after "surronds you" and starting the next thought at "And".
Best wishes in the contest.
Be ever peace-filled, Rod -
I thank you Marion for allowing me to repost in the correct contest
Also I would like to say thank you for your wonderful comment. I can ask no more than that my words touch hearts.
Blessings always
Alan -
This is truly a beautiful write, honey. I am proud of you for being such an excellent poet, and being able to turn words into something as beautiful as this poem.
I also agree with ea that it would be perfect for the inscription of a "new baby" or "Christening" card! In fact it should be written into the Hymn books, and be used as a verse in a baptism of a new baby.
You did a beautiful job with the rictamter, and as Poetic Fanatic suggests, they are very addictive!
So I shall look forward to seeing some more rictameters from you, babe
Love you Always
Edited on Jul 24, 1:05 p.m. because 'can't have you seeing my typo's!!'. -
young maa ?
this maa is almost your age, toady !
at least physically ...
I have been told that I am very, very childish ...
but my brother defended me and said that it meant childlike ... that's much nicer ...
so, welcome in the "right" contest for little children disguised as grown-ups (hahahahhaha ...)
actually I would have liked to keep you there, because I thought it was sweet that you saw yourself as a child, but I wasn't certain if the other kids wanted to play with you and risk that you steal their trophies ...
with such a simply graceful and peaceful piece of art - you shall touch many hearts. you have already touched mine ...
may the chain continue ...
marion -
Hi Tommy, thank you for the great comment.
I had a great teacher you know
Now if only I could read instructions properly I'd have entered the right contest. Maybe young maa will allow me to enter the correct contest with it as a prewrite.
Blessings
Alan
Edited on Jul 24, 2:47 because 'Dumbness by author'. -
Dear ea I have messed up again I wanted, as you suggest, to make it for a child so I entered it in the wrong contest I really must learn to read instructions properly
Thank you for the lovely comment.
Blessings
Alan
Edited on Jul 24, 2:48 because 'Dumbness by author'. -
Great Rictameter!
Hey there my new friend,
My My you learn fast! This is wonderful, great choice of words.
Good show bro! I bet you place in the contest. Keep it up.
Warning!: Rictameters have been known to be severely habit forming! Please do in moderation or else you go crazy! lol
Take care poet! It is a pleasure to read you and to know you.
Tommy -
what a gorgeous baby card this makes with this lovely verse and border... an all around great presentation! All the best, ea
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
7 old applause
