Vast green dharti, with your trees,
That shed like tears on your face.
And the lonely standing grass
Dance to melodies of beings
That dwell on your polished ground.
Oh table crafted by Gods,
Providing abode to all.
Fast blowing pawan, with your speed,
Flowing like the seven seas.
The clouds you sail on your decks
Cry hard with joy, and give food.
Bearing seeds of spring with you,
Oh viator of domains,
Vaayu's breath, carry my words.
Mighty Agni, with your flames,
Burning like men's love and rage.
Carve Surya's chariot to wake
The realms of universe.
Whose cold heart craves for your heat.
Oh candle of rituals,
Light my words for all to read.
Handsome Aakash, with your heights,
Like infinity's pillars.
Inconceivable to most
Raise the bar of victory.
Giving canvas for the birds.
Oh garden of Surya's trail,
Giving wispy domes to Earth.
Lovely just jal, with your drops,
Like all five oceans' deep depths.
Giving life to each man's throat.
Make mercurial Indra's bow,
That flows life into the graves.
Oh precious dew of the rose,
Showing life to rich and poor.
Author notes
7 syllables in each line 
Good in nature.
For this contest, I decided to go back to my roots. Panchatatva in hindi means 5 elements .
These 5 elements are-
Wind, water, land, sky and fire.
Some terms you may need to know in this poem-
Dharti- land
Agni- Fire
jal- Water
Pawan- wind
Aakash- Sky
Vaayu- God of wind
Surya- The Sun God
Indra- The Rain God
Written July 22nd, 2006
A contest entry
- Perfect Prewrites by Allyce May.
600 points, ended October 2, 2006, 38 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Elements (Water, Fire, Earth, Air) by tabbykat10988.
600 points, ended February 27, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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i like how you went back to your roots and you put a lot of yourself... i like how you used hindi in your poem.... i figured since you did you would put the definitions at the bottom... if you hadnt it would not have been as good... so great job...
-tabbykat
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This was such a great poem, but I really struggled as I didn't know the meaning of the words and kept having to scroll down and see what they meant. I think that detracted from the poem a bit, which is a shame, but does not make it any less an amazing piece of writing.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
xAx -
Good Luck!
oh wow this was deep and made u think...I love the flow of the words and the background. I will comment more after the contest.
Kari -
It seems like every time I read something by you, you get better at writing. It's amazing. There are hundreds, if not thousands of poets on this site who would love to be as talented as you. I found myself reading the poem several times through - once without knowing the meanings of the words, once knowing the meanings, and once more just because I felt like it
. I think that you will do very well in this competition.
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I don't really remember the first one.But this would be the same as before if not better.I think reading this before was more smooth...Seven syllables is kind of restricted and difficult to write on
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Dance to melodies of beings
Fast blowing pawan, with your speed,
Vaayu's breath, carry words I speak.
Carve Surya's chariot to wake
The realms of universe.
those are the only lines that dont have 7 syllables.
re-score
Originality: 2
Creativity: 2
Content/Form: 1.6
Spelling/Punct.: 2
Overall Interest: 2
total 9.6 -
lol Ironically, yours got a higher score though
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as I said, another revolution in your way of writing amybe we have a next Teen Idol, congrats in advance
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dear bhaiji, (let's confuse them even more with weird words )
what can I say ?
this is just a wonderful homage to mother earth and the entire universe ...
and a beautiful tribute to the tradition of your motherland.
I am sure that mother india will be very proud of her son.
much love,
didi maa -
once again nice job, i think I liked this one more than the other one. apparently tyler feels the same way. 9.5-damn. the vocabulary was a nice touch as well, once again another good write
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LOL That's because I started off as a writer of hindi poetry. As I said, I wanted to go back to my roots. I am Indian, and I wanted to do my country proud in this contest. The essence of panchatatva is described in the vedas, where the Gods are named. I just wrote it as a sudden rush of inspiration. Never read any poem on Panchatatva. Here, the meaning of mercurial could also be like the thermometer- sometimes hot, sometimes cool. Unpredictable.
Thanks for the comment.
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Pancha-whatsa? lol love those loooong Indian words... first the technicals, a couple of similes right off the bat with 'like'... OK, now for the art... and thanks for the glossary, my Internet search gave me 'hard' for dharti! so, five elements, I immediately looked for five stanzas... yup! Now, come on, did you just write this or get copy from an ancient Hindi book?!! I'd imagine you derived inspiration from old poetry (maybe from Mahabharata of Krishna-Dwaipayana Vyasa Mausala Parva or the Hymns to Indra or the Hymns of the Rigveda or maybe even the essence of Gandhi!) and build upon that... for this is an age-old theme... so I had to check for plagerism... for that would disqualify you instantly! I didn't find any, good for you! (such a check is quite easy to do with Internet technology...) and I had to look up 'mercurial'... (pertaining to the planet Mercury!) so I can even learn English from you... hmmm...! Well, very artistic, steeped in Hindi poetry, a fresh recreation here, and a good representation of the artistry of Indian culture!
Edited on Jul 30, 9:09 because ''. -
Udit, the more I read from you, the more I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!! I'm so tired of you and all of these excellent poems. Write something crappy next time. lol. You already now your poem is amazing so I'm not going to waste my time commenting this.
Have fun in the next round!
~Jerri~
Edited on Jul 23, 3:19 p.m. because 'I hate you Udit!!!!!! J/K'.
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Thanks Amy. Thanks for the encouragement again.
Actually, the round wanted free verse.
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I agree that this poem was Brilliant!!! While reading it I had some problems seen as I did not understand half of it.. but it was intriguing so I had to keep reading. Then when I read your author's comments and had some knowledge to go on while re reading it I was happy to find that I loved it more. Lol, sorry I'm not one for things I cant figure out.. like I absolutely love poems that keep things secret and they are vague because then I have to think really hard about it.. but I also like to know something about it.. maybe just one thing.. I was completely lost during your poem. However you done a wonderful job at clearing that up, and now I must say that your poem was beyond amazing. I mean while I was reading this the first time I still thought "this has got to be one of the most clever and interesting things I have read" SO in the end I would have applauded this all the same.. Thank you though for making it easier to feel where you were coming from.
As for the background, picture, and font... AMAZING!!! You have taken a hold of that perfectly. I am a huge nature fan.. I adore nature and the solar system and stars go along with that for me. When opening your page the first thing that jumped out at me was the title.. I must say you know exactly how to magnatize someone.. but I must admit that it was the background and the picture abose that pulled me in.
I can't say that this was my favorite poem by you.. you do so outstanding at rhyme that it threw me off for a moment. When I found that this round was on nature and then I saw your poem first, I thought this is going to be my favorite of all time.. I have to say that I enjoyed some of your others more, but that is only because I could relate and because I felt them to the deepest.. This poem is out of this world, and deserves the most respect and acknowledgment.
I think I read something about you entering a different poem first and then changing to this one. Darn!! I kinda wish I would have read the first one as well. Anyway, my friend, you never cease to amaze me and I have found the same for many many other judges and viewers. I hope to read much more from you!
Amy
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thats really good! I am sure you will do -VERY- well this round.
tu-tv is it pronounced "tu-teevee" or "tu-tivv" ??
yes, Im interested lol
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You just brought a smile to my face.....a big one.
Panch- pronounced as "punch"....means five.
Tatva- pronouced as "tu-tv"....means elements. -
Okay this poem sounds BRILLIANT after studying the words for a couple minutes, and it all makes complete sense! This is the COOLEST poem EVER written thus far in this SEASON! Therefore, it is obviously the most creative.
I must say I love the background, but I think the background fits well. Whenever I hear of Gods I think of the universe. Hence, it makes sense to me so the background and the poem coordinate as one.
I prefer your rhyme over your free verse, but the creativity in this poem was SUPERB and I LOVE IT! "Panchatatva" That is the MOST CREATIVE TITLE EVER! I can't even pronounce it! But it sounds great to me!
I am SO happy you decided to enter a different poem! SO HAPPY!
Originality: 2 (DUH!)
Creativity: 2 (DUH!)
Content/Form: 1.5 (i think you are -ok- at free verse)
Spelling/Punct: 2 (i didnt pick up any flaws)
Overall Interest: 2
Total: 9.5/10
You did a pretty damn good job!
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