Rain falls
I sit and watch
Remembering our past
Wanting to cry
Tears fall
Sorrow fills my heart
The day I lost you
How it effects me so
Strength falls
As I become weak
I suffer so much
I can’t take it anymore
Blood falls
My life comes to a close
My soul cries out
As it leaves my body
I fall
Down upon the ground
Nothing left
Not even pain
Everything falls
This is how it ends
I am released from this curse
Now that I’m dead
Author notes
Remnants of a pain I felt from the last girl to break up with me. It came to me and I used it to inspire this poem. The pain is only a faint memory.
Written July 20th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Such a touching poem. I could feel the pain and have felt that pain a litle to often for my tastes. Seems no guy wants me. I am a failure at relationships. Hope you have someone now to take the place of this.
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this poem is gr8 love it thanx 4 the welcoming message
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not a problem.
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This was a very sad poem but I am so glad that is all it was in most of the cases. It is sad when a relationship doesn't last, but as time goes on, something else comes along to fill that void. I know you have moved on since you wrote this and After reading a lot of your poems, I believe you have chanelled yourself beautifully into a new you with far more wisdom. I'm just wondering. In one of your poems , you mentioned that your mind likes the dark side of life. Is this still so? Great job on this piece.
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This is a beautiful poem, my dear... the repition is amazingly useful, structure is wonderful. There is an elegance to this painful poem, well done.
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yeah you asked me if i saw this one!
Now i know i missed it!
I really like this one, aye touching is what it is!
Loved it! -
Wicked background. The background lends to the overall sense of loss in your poem. Very touching full of emotion. Well done.
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awesome!!
I love this background! it is perfect for your poem! so true your feelings put forth here! such pain and sorrow ... I am glad that they are a distant memory for you.
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i like the poem AND the background
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"My soul cries out
As it leaves my body"....i can hear it almost... congratz!
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First off, this background for a lack of a better word, sucks! It is distracting and takes away from the poetry itsef. I understand the pain of the end of a relationship. But it's like you said a faint memory when this was written and I can feel it. The emotion is numb and which kind of makes it a boring read. For what you show here, this is not your best. For one of the 99 not so good poems that we create, I would rate it a 4.5. But this is just my honest opinion. Thank you for sharing.
Always pen from the heart and you shall never write wrong.
~SongByrd
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The way you have published this poem adds that 'extra dimension' needed for any deep emotion.. Its good. Dimensionally it is good.
I loved these lines...
"My soul cries out
As it leaves my body"
I could almost hear the silent scream....that wrenching of separation..
This poem touched me.
champrins
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Well written! You use few words to say a lot, and the chosen form fits the poem beautifully. I would like it even more without the last stanza, which seems a little redundant.
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oh , wow . i like this write .
no . i LOVE this write .
it's soooooo sad . very well written . GR8 flow . this peice is brilliant . -
Beautiful but sad
Hey,
this is beautiful. I love it. So much raw pain and imagery. You really showed your emotions here. I hope it gets better for you. I can relate. Too many times to say. But this is awesome. Good job and good luck!
~love~
*joey* -
I'm glad that this bard has such a kind Lady. your words are graceful upon my eyes and joyous in my heart.
-Your bard, Darc -
my Bard, your poetry is so fun to read. I love the powerful imagery and it is always so emotional. Great job, I now know why you are a bard. Lovely job here even if it is sad. I would write more if my brain wasn't fried lol. Loved it!
~Lady Tatianna~ -
I thank you for you words of complement. feel free to read the rest of the poems i've posted. and, i'll keep your offer in mind
-(Dark Raven, the bard)
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thank you, i'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Deep and beautiful
WOW so much emotion.This poem is so deep and beautiful.
I love this poem.I can relate to this poem so much.Your words were beautifully choosen and your piece had a great flow.Your such a talented writer.Making the reader want to read more, Pulling them in.The end of the poem is amazing.YOu done a wonderful job on this.Keep up the amazing work.Thanx for sharing.If ya ever need anyone to lean on or to talk to or even to vent ill be here for ya.
God Bless
Jess -
Good write. Great emotion in this poem. Keep writing.
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