whirs in purrs of slush and silence
a mind at rest is never heard
still
it isn't
manic mangled memory
of importance
and video games
dangle in the hallway
of the hallowed heart
pitter pat-spat like
bits of hail picking at the quiet
round and round
and ground
to fit
tinkle of the bells
grown to gong the night away
where is the peace
the sleep buzzes away
in snow cover television screens
cable down
still in sound in
annoyance and itching
twitch and pitch
in toss and turn
colors of blue
and alarm clock red
you can hear the clicking
though they haven't ticked
for years
is it caffeine or
anxiety
tight grip on nothing
a grit of the teeth
and grind away the hours
midnight passed
to screech into daylight.
Author notes
APTP
prompt onomatopoeia
Written July 19th, 2006
In a list
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1 - 8 of 8
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This is almost how it is at my house... lol. It reminds me of all those nights I find sleep impossible and I can hear everything that's going on... crazy man... but I love it anyways!
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Nice! I love the rhythm of it. The subject is something i know all too well also. The scattered echos of the past and present flooding your senses when it's the last thing you need. I like it.
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Very recognisable. It is strange and a bit confusing, in a good way. It certainly reminds of a desparate night to try and sleep. You chose the words for this very well.
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I have surprisingly said this to a few writes recently, but this is something that I would imagine hearing ob one of those stand- up showws such as Def Jam. It held that tone to it.
There's a great poetic beat to this, that I think would make it a great performance piece. I was not able to clearly depict a meaning from the given content, but in reveiew it has made more sense. (I relate, as well, as I've seemed to have some sort of insomnia lately.)
Overall, I think that you are tough competition and I will let you know my verdict shortly. Thank you.
Justin -
Wow. Coincidentally, we both chose a very similar theme for this piece, but thankfully we went about it differently.
This is a great piece; the tone is set by the second line- an analogy that I love. The strength of this piece is that whilst addressing the specification, it does not rely on the onomatopoeia as its sole imagery device, which keeps it very vivid and alive. The shifting, disjointed feel that the rhythm has is excellent in strengthening the mood. Great work
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So this is absolutely something that gives the reader so called butterflies in eyes and ears what a wonderful use of poetic devices
so beautiful... sigh... -
this has stimuli and then some. wonderful writing
best wishes
peace and hugs
Muddy -
This poem is very pleasing to the ear, with the alliteration and rhymes. This is an incredibly strange piece, and yet something I can relate to since I have had insomnia for as long as I can remember, and this is precisely what it is like to lay awake and toss and turn in bed every night. I really enjoyed reading this poem, and thank you for sharing it. I would give a critique if there were anything in it to critique!
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