life may be the
slow dance of decay
and dog day decadence
but in perfection's twist
of gravity to grave
we have our cotton candy
in smiles surreal
retributions paid
in pores of reality
or misfortune
mingle amid
the burnished steel
catalyst of calamity
into lucid pools of hope
and happiness in
hues of wisdom
hardship breeds appreciation
for finer friendships
and escape from fallacy
in fallen tears
or rising laughter
to reap much
from little sown
surrounded by enemies
turned brothers
we have but moments
in minutes gone days
to extend a hand
toss a precious pebble
and ripple through
our ponds
Author notes
APTP
Prompt--History
Written July 19th, 2006
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Comments
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This is written with both "hues of wisdom" and a dash of maturity. I likes the lines "surrounded my enemies/turned brothers". It seems to reflect better times, the time after the darkness.
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(1) Message: 8
(2) Fluidity: 9
(3) Uniqueness: 8
(4) Title: 10
(5) Imagery: 9
(6) Parameters Met/ Creatively Worked: 6
(7) Enjoyment of the Piece: 7
(8) Interesting Array of Word Choice: 8
(9) Length: 9
(10) Format: 10
You have received 84 points. -
Nice. Rather than focusing on a single snippet of history, you've addressed rather the whole, and progression, of history, which has allowed you to be a lot more creative, as the specification becomes a lot more vague. The message delivered in the final stanza is particularly resonant and intelligently written, and once more your imagery, analogies and rhythm were captivating.
In my opinion, if you haven't already made your mind up, this is your stronger of the two pieces.
Best of luck
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uhm...
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