Blinded by a mask of sorrow
Void of all emotion
Memories of a land
Lost beyond a veil.
Shadows of a soul
Mourning below a night
Of such simply sadness
To tear a swollen heart.
A mist within the soul
Hiding a past still shaded
By a heart still waning
And wanting to be whole.
Yet none can see beyond
This mask, which hides me
From all who know not
Of all my true emotions.
Author notes
Written July 19th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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While the concept of a mask hiding people's emotions is frequently used, I still enjoyed this poem. The flow of the poem was smooth and generally, you used a varied vocabularly. There are a few lines that I personally would rewrite.
For example:
Memories of a land
Lost beyond a veil.
I would change "beyond" to "behind" because you use "beyond" later in the poem.
Hiding a past still shaded
By a heart still waning
I don't personally like the use of "still" two times there. I think it sounds awkward, though I appreciate the effect it has when comparing the lines. Also, perhaps change "Hiding" to another word such as "burying" because it will add more variety to your poem, as you use "hides" later.
Lastly, "Of such simply sadness" should be "simple sadness." xD
Thank you for sharing this, for I think it's a poem a lot of people can relate to--especially those of us who hide our emotions (and there are a lot of us).
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