I wish that I were a cloud,
So that I may soak up the falling tears,
Of a lover as they swiftly fall,
To the freshly moistened ground.
I wish that I were the sun,
So that I may brighten your darkest days,
And dry your salty tears,
That sting your precious face.
I wish that I were the hands,
That wiped away your tears,
So that I may attempt to comfort you,
In your difficult time of sorrow.
I wish I could be there for you.
Author notes
Written July 16th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Give It all you've Got (pre writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
318 points, ended March 31, 2007, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ..Memories.. by Antebellum.
550 points, ended July 14, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 57 of 57
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Oh my...the emotions here are so strong. They've really reached my heart.
I love the concept, it's a tender subject that sometimes comes off as a little cliche. But this is great, I love the sentiment here. Its so real and relateable.
Lovely job with this piece
Bravo
♥ Kate -
'I wish that I were the sun,
So that I may brighten your darkest days,
And dry your salty tears,
That sting your precious face.'
I really like this stanza.
a very stong write.
thank you for taking the time to enter,
good luck.
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'I wish that I were the sun,
So that I may brighten your darkest days,
And dry your salty tears,
That sting your precious face.'
I really like this stanza.
a very stong write.
thank you for taking the time to enter,
good luck.
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I would like to thank you for taking the time to view and enter my contest.
Contests here on Allpoetry are a lot of fun and I hope that everyone enjoys them.
I will soon be posting a contest for BRONZE only poems. I do hope you will consider entering.
If you are dreaming, you should be writing
For dreams are words we should share
Sharing makes us all stronger
So thank you for sharing your dreams and words with me
Judging:
This has a very sad undertone. Someone wishing so hard to help and be with someone. However, sometimes people cannot receive the help we desperately wish to give. Nice and very emotive.
Title: Captures the poem and essence.
Content: Depicts while you Wish.
Imagery: Was fluent throughout, simplisticly which sometimes that is good as you do not want to go overboard in a poem such as this.
Grammar: I would recommend breaking up all of the first letter capitalization.
Flow: Flow was good and transitioned appropriately.
A goal is a dream with a deadline.
-Napolean Hill-65
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i can feel your longing in the words you wrote, very intense, thank you for entering
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Thanks for the entry, but it's not quite what we were looking for. If you would like further explanation, please send me a private message and a link to the poem and I will be glad to discuss it with you.
Elizabeth -
Excellent write! Soft and well tone. The flow is serene and makes the readers wanting for more.
My favorite lines:
I wish that I were the sun,
So that I may brighten your darkest days,
And dry your salty tears,
That sting your precious face.
I wish this poem never ends.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.
~VIRGOAN~ -
Pretty..
I don't really know what to say except that I liked it. I can't offer any criticism, because I believe that you did a splendoriforous job!
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This is a very emotonal and touching piece .great job.
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Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.
You may want to keep in mind that I will try to open more of the same contests one after another if I can earn enough feedback to do so which I must say would be truly appreciated. Altogether, I hope this will also give everybody a glimpse at one of you're favorite accomplishments which hopefully in turn inspire them to look at what else you've got. -
thank you for entering my conest i appreciate the time and effort put into this.
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Great Write.
I can totally relate to this poem. I really enjoy the feeling behind it. Great Write. Good Luck in my contest.
Luke -
You are such a caring being, and your soul I am sure in many ways, metaphorically speaking of course, is those things. You can be someones sun, someones support and you can be the hands that wipe the tears away and pull the person back up again. Very loving piece, you are a caring soul.
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such a caring and lovely write...
TY fpor entering and good luck..
Lynda
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Awesome writing; I know what it's like to want to be there for someone..
Well done! Thank you for sharing! -
sweet
WHat a lovely poem ...such compassion for someone you desire to be with in their time of need....
TY for entering my contest!
Lynda
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Very well witten, great job of writting it is easy to see what you were trying to say. We should all want to be there for each other.
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Beautiful!
Beautiful! So simple yet very profound. I felt emotion stir on this one for sure. Excellent, thanks for entering. God bless.
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First, let me thank you for entering my contest.
Second:
This poem was very touching. Great use of anaglogies. The flow and imagery was very well done. I suggest the use of punctuation for a professional look and easier reading.
Otherwise, this was good. -
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I fixed the punctuation
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Simple
Poetry is the art of expressing beauty in the simply form. A simple poem to which yearnings are expressed with passionate and meaningfulness.
-What was the driving inspiration to your masterpiece?
-Keep the ink flowing!
and good luck in the contest!
-Solus McKnight
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Selfishly the inspiration is me. I've always wanted someone to be there for me, to comfort me and to dry my tears. I know it's kind of selfish, but can you blame me? I've never really had that special someone. So yeah, I guess this is a poem written by me and for me lol!
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Honest
I felt this was a very heart felt piece. You must be missing someone sincerely a lot. Hope all becomes well with you. Peace.
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Great job
This poem is so sensitive and it really pulls at the heartstrings. I felt this poem and I am glad that I clicked in. Thanks for sharing it with me and I will add you to my favs. Look forward to reading more of your work...
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aww what a sweet and loving poem. I liked it. Sometimes I wish I was a duck just a little fyi
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Absolutely wonderful !
You did a wonderful job writing this piece . It shows all the love and compassion that you have in you to share with that special someone .Everyone deserves to be happy and find that one person with whom they can call lover , spouse , friend and partner in all things in life . I wish you all the best in life and love and hope that one day soon you'll find the one you're looking for to be able to share this love with and get back in return .
~Hugs~
Amber
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all good
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isoenjoyedyourwordsandthethoughtsthatdrovethem!
For me, this is a really great write! I had to go over it a few times, I really loved the way you've expressed such even processes of provoking thoughts. -
Twas' inspired by a movie, but this poem was actually written for me and by me. Selfish, I know. I've always wanted/needed someone to be there for me. To dry my tears and to listen. But I have no one.
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So sweet and sincere a poem for someone you obviously love. I'd like to know who this was written for - just out of curiosity.
This is simple but not simplistic and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you so much for entering. -
This is really pretty. It reads like you may have lost a loved one and knowing her sorrows you wish you could be back with her.
Excellent write
Jeri -
i love this poem,
it reminds me of the one i wrote
called my hands.
bravo -
i love the simplicity of this and how you've used nature to comfort. who wouldn't be touched by this?
your poem is one of compassion put in a very natural way. nicely done
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Excellent
This is a very compassionate piece. It shows the openness of your heart to take a friend's hurt upon your shoulders. Sharing the burden of another is one of the greatest gifts we can have. You wrote this with not only compassion but a deep and abiding love.
**Ivy Rose -
Compassion is a great thing. Thanks for entering and best of luck!
Madison -
It would be an honor for you to print this poem and show it to your friends
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lovely
Wow i love this poem! It was so amazing! If its all right with you i am going to print it out and show to some of my friends at school who dont have ap..kk? Great write! I loved it! -
Excellent
This is an amazing poem about hwo mch you care for someone. I think that there is always someone who we want to be there for. I know that I have two people I wish I could be there for, but I can't. Truely this is an awesome poem, and I loved reading it. Excellent, I could really relate. -
Wow this is really good. I love it, awesome poem. I love it....
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Awesome writing. Keep up the great work. I wish you the best. ~Mel~
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oh that was so beautiful. I really loved the end,
"I wish I could be there for you"
There's almost a sense of desperation.. and so much love.
well done.
NSH
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I really liked this poem, it was very deep and beautiful. It showed a closeness and a desire to save your one and only from everything harmful.
I really liked this verse:
"I wish that I were a cloud
So that I may soak up the falling tears
Of my lover as they swiftly fall
To the freshly moistened ground"
Now, something i was wondering about was why you changed from saying "my lover" to talking directly to someone. The poem was great- it just seemed like the mechanics were off...
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such a Deep, strong, heartfelt, moving poem. I really love this. You did an excellent job on this. Keep up the great work
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FAB
This is so beautiful. was it written for someone inparticular cos it is so lovely and emotion like that is soo hard to fake well done -
This was a passionate, loving write and one that was obviously truly written from the heart. Raw and emotional, tugging at my heart, this piece touched me deeply. A lover's wish to another. How beautiful. Great job honey. Merry Part and Blessed Be.
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Full of emotion. I can really relate to this in a way. You've done an excellent job on this. I love the last stanza too, that was my favorite part
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A very inspiring & beautiful poem you've posted. I loved the very last stanza about wishing to be the hands. I thought that was absolutely the sweetest. *Sonya*
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I've read this poem a hundred times and I've never noticed that typo before. Thanks so much!
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Excellent imagery and metaphors, using nature as healing sorrow. But I caught a typo: shouldn't it be "brighten your darkest days." Took me to reads to catch it though. Beautifully stated. And thanks for your comments.
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I wish that I were a cloud
So that I may soak up the falling tears
Of my lover as they swiftly fall
To the freshly moistened ground
amazing piece love.........so lovely
blessings
jamila -
Thank you so much!
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i am very glad that i let you enter this because i can really relate, this is a very well written poem thank you for asking for me to let you enter,i think that you did a really good job with this one, good luck
laura -
wow I totally know how you feel. Becuase I have gone threw the same situation of wanting to help some one but not being able to. you did a great job. keep it up.
-Moe -
I wish that I were the hands
That wiped away your tears
So that I may attempt to comfort you
In your difficult time of sorrow
TRUELY SO HEARTFELT AND SO PASSIONATE IN TERMS OF THE LOVE WITH ITS INTENSITY AS WELL..A GREAT PIECE..
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aww this was emotional...And I can relate in ways...to all of it..So it touched me in a way..Great job!!
~^Sara^~ -
Thank you my ap sister
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That was really caring and heartfelt. If everyone felt that way about the person they loved the world would be a much better place. Fabulous job.
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