While the busy breeze swept its way
In solitude, he heard the tale,
Of an unknown girl, he thought he knew
Loved and captured by the cruel hale.
He had seen her not, not in his wildest dreams
She was pretty, he felt, fair and sweet
He drew her face with subtle words,
On scribbled verses in a half torn sheet.
'Twas a path by thousands trod, but she was one,
He began to work, magic spells from fingers spilt,
While haunting verses, He wrote on her
With love, ache and an unmeant guilt.
To this unknown child, he gave a name
Of what leaves would murmur in his ear,
Whose bosoms would shield his sleep,
To his heart he held, this flower dear.
Those fancied pains, he wept with words
His quill, would just not let him go,
And aching heart, was so fond of thee
That mystic verses would simply flow..
Once a child, from a distant tale
She became a muse, who helped him write,
Then a source of saddened thoughts,
An unseen love, who haunts his night.
Thus he felt, he dreamt, he watched her grow
In solid verses, written ago..
Author notes
Based on William Wordsworth's poem, Lucy Gray.
Dorothy, William Wordsworth's sister, once on her usual visit to the well to fetch water, came back with a tale she heard from the neighbouthood ladies' gossip. It was about a small girl who was lost in the snow, the previous evening. They could not trace her paths beyond the ridge and so the onlookers and parents of her, concluded her dead.
This simple narration by his sister haunted Wordsworth so much, that he used the same as an inspiration to write 6 great writes, which followed his poem, 'Lucy Gray'.
Written July 19th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Poet Talent Show Auditions...Round 1 by poet2angels.
300 points, ended October 21, 2006, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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This is such a beautiful write capturing the thoughts and emotions of his write so well!The rhyming is excellent and it has a gentle flow to it.Well done and good luck
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Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!!
raspberry, I am so taken aback by this masterpiece which flowed softly from your pen. You captured the essence of not only his subject, you also captured him through your words so golden. There is no question as to why this piece received the gold trophy. I haven't been to your work in a while and I was just reminded of the beauty you weave tale after tale that you give to us. Sits *sighing* at the amazing imagery that abounded here. Your rhythm and rhyme are superb and if I were to read but one piece today I would be saddened if it hadn't been this one. Thank you for sharing your illustrious gift with all of us. Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce 
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seems you can weave magic with your words...
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Wow..this was breathtaking and beautiful...job well done..how lovely.
The best of luck to you in the contest
Kari -
That sure was an interesting story. I went and re-read your poem with that in mind, and your poem then came alive to me, and I appreciated it much more knowing the context with which you wrote it.
Amazing how a stranger can have such an effect on people, and inspire them to write poetry. Her spirit may have called out to him, and he felt compelled to start writing from dawn to dusk, until his fingers bled lol j/k
Thanks for posting your unique poetic piece, and good luck in the contest
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Hi Raspberry.
This is sooooo romantic!
Beautifully written with perfect flow and rhyme!!! I love this story! Excellent write!
Thank you for entering our contest!
Jasminerose
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I am a fan of Wm. Wordsworth, and I did not know that story!
I love your poem, as always the rhyme and flow is flawless and this poem is filled with romance in every line! Love these lines:
"To this unknown child, he gave a name
Of what leaves would murmur in his ear,
Whose bosoms would shield his sleep,
To his heart he held, this flower dear.
Those fancied pains, he wept with words
His quill, would just not let him go,
And aching heart, was so fond of thee
That mystic verses would simply flow.."
Beautiful!
Lynda
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Wonderfull poem. This piece reads so well. You have used very evocative imagery and presented the poem nicely. It really drew me into the piece and I think you have drawn inspiration from Wordsworth well.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck.
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just reading again as this is another of my fave's of yours next to strawberry fields. they are both so enchanting i really am in awe of your writing talent and the feelings with which your poetry evokes within me~
simply beautiful~
lynn -
Congratulations on a very beautiful poem!
Love
Myra -
you have taken a well known story of how Dorothy's observations on a young woman's plight led to the famous Lucy poems.
You have taken on the task set in the contest and have, both in your poem and notes, endeavoured to tell something of Wordsworth's story.
Your poem was well written and flowed smoothly, Two minor glitches, hale in line 4 did you mean hail? and your ending, did you mean long ago?
I enjoyed reading this.
Thank You.
Jim -
very realistic
"Thus he felt, he dreamt, he watched her grow
In solid verses, written ago.. " for somebody with poeic imageryand thoughtful without any void, this happens surely. I too feel about some poets at AP after reading them first casually, later with interest and finally with admiration and analyisi. From poetry I develop thinking about the poet and his ambition and thought process. this is very admirable piece of a write dear Raspberry!
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Wow!!
stunning imagery; the photograph marries beautifully with your words and i felt like i was reading a timeless poetry book.
i love this poem~ if i tried to quote a line; i would end up re-typing your entire poem~ exquisite writing and a joy to read~
lynn -
For other AP members for comparison please read: oldpoetry.com/
opoem/37736
so you can see for yourself what a magnificent job raspberry has achieved here. The poem glows with the presence of Wordsworth - thank you for the entry.
rufina -
i loved it!
This was a great write. You captured all the feelings and everything in the piece. It sounds as if this came to you naturally and thats what I was looking for. Everything flowed well great. So overall this is a wonderful piece of writing. Good luck in your contest.
He had seen her not, not in his wildest dreams
She was pretty, he felt, fair and sweet
He drew her face with subtle words,
On scribbled verses in a half torn sheet.
and
To this unknown child, he gave a name
Of what leaves would murmur in his ear,
Whose bosoms would shield his sleep,
To his heart he held, this flower dear
those two stanzas are my favorite. They were just perfect! Keep it up
xoxo
Courtney
<333
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wow.Your poem was like the ones great poets of old times write.
The verses on the picture are really aptly penned. Keep up the good work. -
Excellent old time effort
Well, live and learn. First of all, let me say this was nice. A really nice write. I was sent back to school on the line "Loved and captured by the cruel hale." "hale" "a force (on a person) to go"; interesting use of the term here. You sure caught the old timey spirit here. I thought you did a wonderful job. Tks. Turtle. -
Impeccable
Wonderfully written. Truly incredible, you have been blessed with the gift of pen. Your imagery is outstanding, your tale so well portrayed. Your form is awesome. Very well done. Good luck in the contest. -
Wonderful write indeed.....
He had seen her not, not in his wildest dreams
She was pretty, he felt, fair and sweet
He drew her face with subtle words,
On scribbled verses in a half torn sheet.
keep up the good work
thanks for the read
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This is such a beautiful poem that is filled with lovely imagery. I loved reading your author's comments and have learned something new. Very nicely done! Good luck in the contest.
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You have done an amazing job on this piece.........and I also have to say I enjoyed reading the authors comments....fantastic all the way around.
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very lovely writing raspberry lovely imagery and much talent in telling tis tale great job keep up te onderful writing
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This is truly a delight to read, even if it is sad! What a joy it has been to read this lovely piece. The background, and the picture really add to this wonderfully written piece!
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a relly good choice you used for the background, your poem is truly wonderful,beautiful soft flow very well put together I love the line,....(an unseen love that haunts his night.)I would drop the (and) but other then that brilliant piece,
thank-you for sharing
Tracey -
Sadly, I must say I haven't read much Wodsworth, which probably makes me not a good commenter. Your poem definitely was much like some to the classical poets. It did have alot of imagery to it. You kept the rhyme scheme simple, which is good and aided in the flow. Also on several occasions throughout I found your use of punctuation an aid. Good work.
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smooth
wow! I love the picture and the words you put behind it,it was really meaningful. It was simple,gentle and tuching and I say to you well done. this poem seems like it was written from the heart. was it? just kidding. so bye for now keep up the work and hope to some more from you
~marius~ -
A very worthy piece, a tribute to a tribute. Easy to read and I really like the verse on the picture. It gave a haunting feeling to the whole piece. Cheryl
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beautiful words to a beautiful picture.
there is an angelic tone to this poem that
is so lovely and gentle; i didn't want it to end.
wonderfully written and a pleasure to read!
lynn
p.s. the historical notes are fascinating too. thank you. -
how did you make that pic? i want one.
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very well written and beautiful. You have done a great job, keep uo the good work!
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Dame of heart
Euphoric poem, it has mystery and the touch of Wordsworth,
lovely tale of sadness and imagery, a mysterious dame reincarnated in this beautiful poem.
Gentle as the breeze , a fascinating love tale. -
Very nice poem Raspberry,
So this is a style from the old poets? It must have taken you a long time of study to write this. The page is great too.
Best wishes with the contest.
Tommy -
great job done on this one the words are smoothly wrote and great imagery just alll around real nice poerty love this one
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what lovely images you have spinned here .....
there is an ethereal quality to this piece so fragile and beautiful it is..i was moved by the very thought of such a love existing..i find that this piece is just divine ...amazing!!!
blessings
jamila -
Very well written!
I am quite impressed you were able to keep the style of writing consistent all through without breaking. The rhyme was simple with an easy flow to follow.
Good work. -
This is beautiful! There are melancholy tones to this writ, it seems somewhat sad, forlorn, if you will. Your rhyming verses were cleverly written, nothing cliche here. A somberly beautiful work you've entered in this contest. The best to you in this challenge and all your endeavors.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Lovely verse, truly, and an interesting source of inspiration. (I feel like I've learned something now today, after reading your notes. ) Not huge on rhymed verse, but it worked to wonderful effect here. Thank you for sharing it, and best of luck!
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