All my life i needed him
I wanted him by my side
He was never around.
He didn't care about the
daughter who didnt fit
or the son who was a punching bag.
We always needed him,
but he was never there.
Never even acted like he cared.
But now he came back acting
like he belongs here.
I can see through the
innocent look and fake smile.
You're not welcome here.
Author notes
Written July 18th, 2006
A contest entry
- Move Me Again by zt.
423 points, ended July 28, 2006, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Real emotion in this for me, and as u stated on your page your poems are about how you feel so im not going to criticise how u write i find it very different in a way i feel good because its personal and real
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I can sense the feelings of anger and betrayal in this. It is a story too often told in life and it's sad that so many people will relate to this. I think the poem would have had more impact if you changed the point of view you have used. In your poem, the reader plays the role of bad guy. You are directing your anger at us by saying "you, you, you". You can lose sympathy if you place us on the defensive like that. Tell us about this other person using more third person pronouns like "he" & "him" and while you're at it, try to use fewer pronouns in general. In your sixteen line poem, you used some form of "you" twelve times. That is rather repetitious. Anyway, thanks for entering this. I'm glad I got the chance to read it!
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wow, this is sad homes. is this a pesonal experiance poem or more of an empathy write?????? well, either way, it was very good, and it really makes you think of and feel for those with parents who shouldn't be parents.
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This is really good. I hope it's not about you but I'm guessing it's about abbusive parents? I can't relate sry mine only abuse me mentally but I feel 4 u.
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