Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Twisted Perception

Tears fade away
While broken youths disintegrate.
I've walked into the light
Shuddering as I passed forgotten ones,
Taunting me with emotions and razors
Ending me that day.
Death looks more enticing than the pearly gates...

Pearly gates at the edge of an abyss
Eclipsing faith and wasted scars,
Rendering me unconscious and delusional.
Can you feel the failure of fixed addictions
Ending hims and hers, he's and shes as we all fall
Passing through emotions that peel away from us...
They are tearing us apart...
In the end though, I guess it's how it has to be
Only the truly lost get saved
No help is on the way.



Author notes

1B, Just a little taste.  It may look like I've only used 8 :broken youth, razors, edge, scars, fixed, he, tear, and help.  But it's an acrostic with twisted perception.  So there would be my 9th, hope you don't hate it too horribly.
Written July 18th, 2006

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Conni
    August 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I read this and didn't want to not comment on it, that's rude. Just wanted to say that I liked it a lot, particularly the last stanza.. for some reason I really liked the lines "can you feel the failure of fixed addictions".. I don't know why though.
    Conni


  • AmBrO
    July 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really great write, i loved reading it , you are a good writer!!! Keep on writing, and Great job again, good luck in the contest!! MuchLove

    ~Amber~

  • Nights
    July 20, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    awesome

    I like this a lot. Good job. You are always so descriptive in your poetry, it astounds me. Anyway, later.

    Matt


  • unbeliever101
    July 19, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    "Only the truely lost get saved" is the best line-I love it. ANd the acrostic is awesome! And I like this cuz I used -abyss- in my poem too, lol. Great write, and good luck! *A

  • ShatteredExistence
    July 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I caught that this was an acrostic, something I wasn't expecting -smiles- I like it, this is really creative, and you did a really good job at using the words that I gave. Good luck in this contest, keep writing and stay strong.
    ShatteredExistence

1 - 5 of 5