That wretched, desolate heating of my organs.
spilling clichés faster than spittle
from behind these vile lips you marked unworthy
of your returning warmth.
Armed with a plethora of excuses. justification.
Talk is cheap, kid.
Are you prepared to gamble for the girl?
I am…
dispensable.
expendable.
superfluous.
and you are…
hers.
Author notes
Written July 18th, 2006
A contest entry
- Reaching through Shadows by x Gemini x.
600 points, ended December 29, 2006, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Like this it shows your strength over emotion, sad as it may be. Nicely chosen words. Well laid out, good write.
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First, let me thank you for entering my contest.
Second, i am sorry for your strife.
Third:
This poem was very touching. The flow and imagery was very well done. The format was creative, and the idea was original. I suggest the use of inserting spaces (maybe stanzas), so not as to OVERWHELM the reader. -
As others said, very strong. Thought provoking.
Hell
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Wonderful work. Love your style and form. Your words flowed so freely with emotion. Loved it. Keep it up.
allpoetry.com/poets/Tabitha-Robin/
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very interesting.im pretty sure that i love those first two lines, very captivating.and i appreciate the vocabulary as well. thanks much for your comment on my poem 'bleak oblivion'
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Talk is cheap, kid.
Are you prepared to gamble for the girl?
I am…
dispensable.
expendable.
superfluous.
and you are…
hers.
interesting...
keep it up
pegleg -
great
FINALY A POEM ABOUT LOVE THAT DOESNT INVOVLE 4TH GRADE VOCABULARY! GREAT GREAT IN FACT AWESOME JOB. i like it. this is a format that i am not familiar with reading. i usually don't enjoy free verse all as much, but this i liked very much -
This is wonderful, unique and powerfully worded. I enjoyed this, keep up the good work!!
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I like this. The best line in my opinion would be
"Talk is cheap, kid.
Are you prepared to gamble for the girl?"
Flows very well.
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I ike it, and I particularly like the casual bits, almost like it's part of a conversation - talk is cheap, kid. Love that line. Really good poem.
Snugglebottom x
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Get over it!
Heh.
Good poem. Liiiked it. -
"Talk is cheap, kid.
Are you prepared to gamble for the girl?"
I kinda like that line, its the climax for me lol. Expressed your poem well with emotions and its defintly different from what I read today.
A good write do keep it up.
Keep on pennin.
Cheers -
I really like this. A deeper story is told in the fewer number of words than others would use. I really like the last 2 stanzas. They really clench the reader. Great write. I liked it a lot.
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Very strong poem... the language fit the poem nicely.. because of the length of the poem it helped the flow alot and because of how it was written... though in the lines
"Talk is cheap, kid.
Are you prepared to gamble for the girl?"
it seemed out of place to the rest of the poem because of the language wasn't as sophisticated as the rest of the poem.. other then that.. great poem.. well done.. keep writing -
This is such an amzing poem!! I loved the flow of the poem and the way you used it to convey you anger in the second stanza, and the ending completly explained the rest of the poem, until there was some mystery about who the persona was speaking about!!! Congrats!!!!
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Your words are far from drivel. Have more confidence in your writing. This screams with emotion. Watch the "big words" if you can, sometimes they will trip a reader up eventhough you understand what you are saying.
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