fears from the past

There once was a time when
everything appeared gray
I thought life rarely enjoyable
and shadowed myself from others
Oh how wrong i really was for
my happiness would soon begin

now i look back, not allowing myself
to forget my sins i have made but only
to remember the pain I was in

sometimes i fear the clouds will
roll back into my life
and again I will be hurt
and feel abandoned by the ones i love most
for i fear i will fail them too

was I too trusting?
is that why I fell into such a
hole of lifeless depression

I know i doubted HIM
and still I don't believe in the faith
but that's my own choice isn't it
am I wrong to question the God that I
was raised to believe in?