blood leaks from my eyes,
my heart has been ripped in two,
my love is now dead,
my life is left in pieces,
why was he to die,
he drank a glass of poison,
i can live no more,
and the same poison he drank,
i finished for him,
as i lay there beside him,
he slowly got up,
and my heart screamed with pure joy,
but i was still dieing,
and i realized he set me up,
he planned for my death,
i closed my eyes,
but the tears kept coming,
as my life slid away.
Author notes
Written July 13th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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romeo and juilets story is so sad. I just learned last year how they finally died... oh man...
well expressed on this topic here, thanks for sharing, keep up the awesome poetry.
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thnaks guys poem is improved i was upset when writing it about an ex and didnt really pay attention to my words just my head.
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This is a pretty good poem
Although the spelling error on line one, "my heart has been ripped into" (I'm guessing it was supposed to be "my heart has been ripped in two") kind of distracted me, and also the "i"s. I think it would enhance the poems overall effect (affect?) if you capatilized them. Don't ask, I'm very picky 
But like I said overall this poem was really good Keep writing 
Jeanette*~ -
this was amazing totally swept me way I could totally picture it umm I was just curious but the end of the second line shouldn't it be in two and not into? anyways I like how you ended the poem great job
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Wow!!!!!!!!!! This one is great. It's short and to the point.
'he drank a glass of poison,
i can live no more,
and the same poison he drank,
i finished for him,'
That reminds me of the play Romeo and Juliet. lol. This is an awesome poem. Keep writing.
~Jen~
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Tragic piece with great emotion-also very reminsicent of R & J would agree. Being betrayed in such or similar manner must be the worst feeling ...ever. Well done
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very well written, does have few spelling errors,other tan that great.some say they can't understand the part where you to drank the poison,and he got up buit you were still dead.here i think still dead means emotionally,because of the heartache of being setup.great imagery keep up the good work
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Very dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like a few readers before me I thought of Romeo and Juliet too.
Very dark and still a good read. Thank you for the enjoyment, I don't usually read dark work. Keep smiling.
Newbie
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i m agree with miss stranger she told you absolutely about your poem i dont think i can tell you any thing more then her
so u muz try
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Powerful...And I like the twist...I agree with..Xx Love Princess xX....it did sound like Romeo and Juliet in a way....I like it..
"blood leaks from my eyes,"
Good line and it goes well with the backround...Nice job!
~^*SARA*^~ -
awesome
This was a really sad poem that sounded a lot like Roemo and Juliet until the very end where he came alive and had purposly killed you.That was so sad! And Cruel, if that ever truelly happend i would be so mad. This was a really good poem, I liked the style you chose to write it in..hehe. -
Yes it was a bit like Romeo and Juliet.This was pretty good but there are a few minor things that could use some work.There were a lot of repeat words,and You should capitalize your "I's".I did enjoy the read and I believe it has some amazing potential.Keep up the good work.!!!
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Also, this poem remind me on eternal theme of Romeo & Juliete, awesome example of same
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A+ Excellence, great, unique, twisted, hard, talented, again perhaps a little outraged, you could be more sofisticated author if you use more ordinary emotions as spice.
I do not want to put salt on your great and marvelous poetry, but if you said for example insted
"but i was still dead,
and i realized he set me up,
i closed my eyes,
and the tears kept coming,
as my life slid away."
like this
but I was dieing
And I realized he made me to
Close my eyes with him
and the tears kept coming
from our moving from this place.
Anyway, you re so talented, and it s my pleasure to write critique on your deeds, which I adore even I did not read much of your poetry, straight, in heart, and with everything decent to come into poem row, great deed Dark-Lady, I love your style!
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ironic and tragic
i like it -
Wow...
That was a great poem and yet so sad!!!
Well great write!!! -
wow, really tragic, but good none the less.
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very good..slightly confused about the line saying that you were dead already but then you watched your life slowly go away...but anyways still very powerful and full of irony.
eliza -
powerfull peice. the content is very well presented throughout with well conveyed expressions and clearly told plot. very well written
at the end of the second line did you maybe mean "in two" rather than "into"? -
The emotions must be SHOWN not WRITTEN in an explicit manner,as you did.You used a lot of cliches which spoil the effect:"blood leack from my eyes","...he set me up" and the vocabulary is way too rigid.But the idea is quite interesting!Try to explore and be more creative!
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OW! This reminded me of Romeo and Juliet but if a horrible twist. I actually enjoyed this version more. lol. Great Write! Keep it up and Continue Penning!
~Jerri~ -
such a sad poem! it reminds me of a romeo and juliet thing only ending in betrayel of the love.. thanx for sharing!
*abused *
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