I lost against the urge

Last night
I did it
I gave into the urge
But now I feel guilty
But I tried
Not to give in
I really did
3:00am
There was no one
To tell
No one to talk to
To release the urge
So there was only
One other way
8
The magic number
Of how many I did
Not much blood was lost
For I didn't have the courage to push
Only 2 bleed bad
The rest only a little
But afterwards
My soul felt free
From the depression
By which it was overcome
Now I look upon my palm
And see the scars from before
There are 20 scars thought out
My body
Same have faded
Some are new
And I'm sorry my love
I told you I wouldn't
But the urge was to strong
I couldn't fight it any longer
It was bound to happen anyways
But don't worry
I'll be fine
I've only gave in 3 times
Out of 60
So I'm still kind of strong
But how much longer
Will I be?
Which night will I go
Too far?
Will it be soon
Or will it be never?
Only time will tell