The Day I became This Way

I find it pathetic
How I think that happiness
Will come back to me
When the reality of it all is it won't
I'm gonna be how I'am right now
Forever
I will never have a whole day
Of happiness
For now that is just a fantasy
But 4 years ago that use to be reality
Until the day it all came crashing down
When my dad first hit me
And sense that day
My life has not been the same
I still remember every detail of it
Every word that was said
"I'm you dad you show me some respect"
Are the words that were spoken
By him
Right before he hit me
Right across the face
And now that I think about it
I still feel it
Here is what happened
I was in 5th grade
And me and my dad were fighting
In the car
On the way home from school
And when we got in the drive way
I got right out of the car
Because I didn't want to fight anymore
So I went inside
And I put my backpack down
Got a soda
And I accidentally spilt it on the counter
Then I heard the door slam!
And big heavy foots steps walking into the kitchen
I was now scared to death
When I saw him enter the room
He was much big then I
See as I was only 11
He pushed me up against the counter
*Slap*
I felt a sting on my face
And I started crying
And he pushed me again
And he grabbed me by the shoulders
And shook me
While saying words
I can't remember for I was too scared
And he slapped me again
This one hurt more
I squirmed away
And ran out of the kitchen
"Get in here and clean this up!"
He yelled
And I walked in all scared
Of what he might do
So I cleaned
Up the soda
While he stared at me
Like he didn't want me
To be his daughter
And then I went upstairs
And I cried myself to sleep