Times have changed;
I’m older than I used to be.
It bugs me I cannot speak fluent fun,
and a starched manner has become
a lot clearer to me now.
A reflex of control, nurtured by
plentiful breaths is gradually shooing
passion out of my vocabulary.
Still, I cannot slow down
the phases of the moon,
or soothe the fine lines upon my brow.
Times have changed;
I’ve grown to humour the inevitable.
Enthusiasm is growing tedious;
I am older than I used to be.
Author notes
I like option three
In a list
A contest entry
- If You Want Comments... by RT michaels.
335 points, ended February 13, 2007, 106 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Resurrection: Aspiring Poets Group Only by duana.
300 points, ended August 4, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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This is perfect. I really see it that way. My gut reaction was such and when I scored it, it scored very high. On grammar, and spelling you used it very accuratley and effectively throughout the poem. In terms of message it really speaks loud about the whole phases of life and how it works itself out I think for many of us! It speaks to young people, and young people could learn something if this poem were analyzed. It would be a good poem for discussion in a poetry class. You used a lot of alliteration, and I liked that- it was subtle and effective. The symetry in the appearance and professionalism is good. Choice of words and readability was good. Most of all it was very orginal. The only thing that slowed in places was the form and flow. Not sure why- sorry, but you may be able to work on that.
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i like everything about this poem.
especially the "fluent fun" line that you are unsure about. i LOVE the line "i am older than i used to be", something about that line and the repetition of it made my heart flutter a little (although i am not sure that is the correct metaphor, it is the best way i can describe it)
thank you for sharing this, it really is a magnificent piece. best of luck in the contest
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I like "fluent fun" I wouldn't change that at all. I could picture exactly what you were writing. I liked this. Good job.
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this is a good write.
personally, im uneasy about growing old.
you chose your words very well, they made your story easily understood.
my favorite line would have to be:
"Still, I cannot slow down
the phases of the moon,
or soothe the fine lines upon my brow."
i liked how it symbolized passing time and it's effect on the bodys physical nature.
overall, great poem.
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I really like this it has great feeling. I don't know about the word fun I like it I think. I will think about it and see if I can come up with somthing that fits better.
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I enjoyed this write. I honestly would've enjoyed more repetitions of "Times have changed: / I" but your style is fine, too. About your author note:
"It bugs me I cannot speak fluent fun." Perhaps you mean to avoid the alliteration? You could say "cheer" or "joy" or "whimsy". Check out Thesaurus.com and see what makes it happen for you.
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What a great poem about getting older. I loved the last stanza, it ended the poem beautifully. Great work!
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You have some real good lines in there, and I think fun is a fine word for that spot. You really capture the tedium, I hope not by too much first hand experiences though. Excelent work.
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The repetion of the first and last line brings the poem in a complete circle, and does so perfectly. I like how the narrator examines his life with such lines as "It bugs me I cannot speak fluent fun." Oh, i just read your authors comments. Heehee, no i think fun is the most perfect word there. Great flow, great everything. Thank you very much for your entry.
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Thank you very much
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I like it just the way it is..I happen to think that line "It bugs me I cannot speak fluent fun" is a great one. This had a great flow. Very enjoyable.
Soulful Woman -
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Cheers. The reason I said that was because I want to portray that as you get older you may not be able to do the fun things you could when you were young, not that you don't know what fun is, and that's what I think of when I read it back, which isn't good seems how I wrote it!
Thanks for your lovely comment.
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This is a very well written poem. I love the way it flows and I love what you have written about. I loved the lines "times have changed, ive grown to humour the inevitable." This is a very unique way of putting it. Well done.
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thanks!
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That's a really nice poem... I'm older than I used to be... I like these lines. You do not slip into a klische - good job, a nice peace about ageing.
keep it up,
BJ -
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Thanks.
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Oh, yes, how things change as we age! This is very well written, a nice poem. Hope you feel you can keep some of the spark alive!
Wishing you all the best!
Kimberly G. -
A tribute to aging. We all feel younger than our years. If we're lucky. I'm impressed by this, it says so much. Excellent job!
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This is such a wonderful yet sad poem. I would say what else I love about this but you can pretty much just read the above comments, since I agree with all of them.
Keep up the great work.
Iridescent
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This is really sad...
I hate the fact that time is forever ongoing.
I like how you describe physical and emotional changes, both.
I also like the repetition of
I am older than I used to be.
But don't worry; we're all older than we used to be.
Every single one of us.
These 3 lines were my favorite:
Still, I cannot do a touch to slow down
the phases of the moon,
or soothe the fine lines upon my brow.
Good poem!
Thanks for sharing!
And oh, if you're returning all comments, and you do have a chance, could you please comment my newest poem "Endlessly, I say...please love me..."? It's promoted as well. -
this is sad, although very good. i liked how you talked more about the way you talk and act than the physical changes of getting older, and how you used something natural, like the moon's phases, to show how time goes on, no matter how much you try to stop it. good job, keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I found this to be a wonderful write. I think as we age things obviously change, not just with our physical (apperance, health..) but with us inside more than anything. I really liked the last four lines, I think it's outlooks like this that lead to "the golden years"...
Keep the ink flowing
Already Broken
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