The smell of freshly cut grass
Right after its been mown,
Watching seedlings come to life
Surviving on their own,
Tasting the first fruit,
From seeds that I have sown
The Happiness I feel is mine
Simply mine and mine alone
The sun against my cheek
A warm breeze caressing my hair
Swimming in the ocean
As far out as I dare
Dancing in torrential rain
Although the chance is rare
The Happiness I feel is mine
Simply mine without a care
The smell of coffee
As I open a new jar
Closing the curtains
And spotting a single star
The purr of the engine
As I start my car
The Happiness I feel is mine
Simply mine
A contest entry
- Happiness in it's true form! by SimpleComplexity.
470 points, ended October 15, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Happiness by Lucille.
300 points, ended March 17, 2008, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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very nicely written lovely imagery. everything seemed so natural and not forced
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This is such a heartwraming poem...truly happiness can be found in simple things...joys that could never be replaced by anything especially the smell of coffee that I also love...
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This is truly amazing, how you put so many things all together, it is like a finely rhymed song, how it sways and caresses your mind.
The sun against my cheek
A warm breeze caressing my hair
Swimming in the ocean
As far out as I dare
Dancing in torrential rain
Although the chance is rare
The Happiness I feel is mine
Simply mine without a care
These are my favorite lines, I love dancing in the rain, having my boyfriend hold me close, kissing me when we go to make our turn, and the sun on a window sill as it glistens into the entire house, watching you as you sleep peacefully, as to say sweet dreams, feeling the water rush between your toes, along your arms, and within your nose, feeling that rush as you go for air, in response to the fresh crisp pure splash against your face.
You have made a beatiful peice of writing, it is absolutely delightful.
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oooo THIS is what I was looking for! I love the way you wrote it! it flows really well. o0o the purr of the engine is a good one! I love starting the truck, lol it more or less roars though(; Great job and thanks for your entry.
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Great read
This is a lovely read.
I can see that Your writers block definitly lifted.
You have created some fabulous imagery here.
I enjoyed reading much.
A good one!
Blank.
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The smell of freshly cut grass
Right after its been mown,... you already said the grass was freshly cut, so why do you need to state that it has been just mowed? It is redundant, and your rhyme is extremely forced.
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This piece flows so very well and stands proud all on it's own. There is such a sense of peace and contentment about it. Quite refreshing actually! Best wishes!
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Congrats. on winning in the contest.
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the feel of total contentment comes accross in this piece, i like the (almost) repetativness (sp) at the end of the stanza's
well written
ang -
I LOVE THIS! It shows the simple pleasures in life. The repetition of the last two lines, or similarities between them, in each stanza definitely enhances the poem. The first stanza is so beautiful, and what follows it lives up to its standard. Wow! Thank you for entering such a beautiful poem!
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What was that you were saying abou writer`s block? You have been having me on lady. This was great. Good rhyme and the flow kept me reading with no hiccups. Fantastic job. William
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ahhhh.
This is written with simple words describing simple things which is a refreshing style to see on AP. Feels like a breath of fresh air. With Respect, Imkleyurflesh. -
I agree with Jo here. Just a bit more detail would enhance the poem's overall feel. Good stuff for baby steps. Very good stuff. See I couldn't even write that if a gun were kissing my temple, so I'm glad to see your contest is a successful one in inspiring you to write. And I don't mind the rhyming that much. It's not so bad. And that's a huge compliment.
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I came to this poem reading the comments posted to another contest post, Elizabeth and it looks like you're breaking through that wall of writer's block for sure! you have captured so many senses of "happiness" in this poem...it's always those little things that bring life's greatest joys.
My only suggestion for you is to actually push those senses into the reader's mind, see, touch, taste, smell and hear...maybe speak of the hiss-sound when opening a coffee can, or what exactly is the taste of that first fruit--(sweet, earthy???).
overall a good poem and I enjoyed the read! best wishes to you in the contest.
Jo -
a great new start, I would say, Congrats and -- yeah -- the purr of the engine and coffee does that for me, too.
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