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Tired

I’m a tired man.
I work as hard as I can.
 Who can understand?

Author notes

My first try at haiku is it correct 5/7/5 Syllable?
Written July 12th, 2006

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • ashleyheartsyou
    October 3, 2006
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    i agree with teh second comment, i believe the poem works. its shortness works and the topic is good. good job.

  • Koragan
    July 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for reading this and making a comment.


  • Natural Beauty
    July 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Good.

    Oh this is very true. Nice piece. Very simple. Yet strong. For your first try. It's a good try. Keep up the good writes.


  • spacewench
    July 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I can sort of see where the first comment is coming from. Although I have to say its shortness and phrasing, works for the topic.

  • Arthur Yuwiler
    July 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    This Haku (or Hokko) follows the 5/7/5 rule alright but somehow the last phrase does not have, to me, the expected snap. Perhaps it follows too closely, or is it the second line which is too literal? . I don't know but somehow the poem is missing something, to me that is.

1 - 5 of 5