she eats raw onions
when she hugs and kisses me
1.all I do is cry
2.hold my nose and sigh
3.kiss quick and bye bye
4.think that I will die
5.try away to fly
6.slosh with mouthwash
7.give her peppermint
8.never a dry eye.
9.clothes pin nose apply.
!0.ask her why oh why.
11.know she will deny.
12.wish I was not nigh.
Author notes
Billbard.
Written March 31st, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- This Contest Has Been Brought To You By 28 Trained Circus Llamas by half-interested.
300 points, ended October 30, 2006, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's up to you by Marctheman.
700 points, ended November 26, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter the very first poem you posted by whispernthedark.
435 points, ended March 26, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your first. by jkh.
550 points, ended January 1, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There's a First for Everything... by Lamia.
800 points, ended April 13, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites only- Give me your first and last! by MoonStarRaven.
490 points, ended June 2, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 62 of 62
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i'm not really sure this is a poem but it was an interesting read. Thank you so much for entering my contest, best wishes and good luck.
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Hilarious!
You are creative and inventive in you approach to ku.I wouldn't have ever though of giving a list of options for the third line. 
You're a scientist who steps out of the box! 
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My favourites were 4,6,and 9. I've never seen this concept of listing haiku variations before and I have to say I like it haha. Thank you for entering the contest and good luck there in
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It's funny. I like it. Good work.
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This is fantastic!
I just found you & I'm so glad I did. I really needed a laugh & got one! This is the first time I ever remember reading someone's poetry & sitting at the screen & having a belly laugh! Jolly good. This is the first Haiku/Senryu of it's type I've ever seen. I have to vector a friend of mine over to you. I can't believe I just read a poem with a # list of variants that were each equally funny. The brilliant mind of an engineer needed to accomplish such a fine work. Can't wait to read more! Wow... Genius... Sure glad you won a trophy for this.
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This is fantastic!
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lmao...this is so funny, especially because just two nights ago my husband (who hates onions, by the way) had to tolerate this very thing. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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Awesome,
Just going through a few of these types of forms, which I enjoy so much, and this one is wonderfully worded. Thanks for sharing such great imagery! Peace, Timothy~
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Cute. Differant then traditional poetry, so that was kind of interesting. Some of it was a little tough to follow, but I like it anyway. Best wishes in the contest!
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This is different.... Great(and somewhat confusing) job
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-laughs- I eat onions, and garlic, a lot. I wouldn't date me. And I definitly wouldn't kiss me. Though it could be worse I suppose. Thank you so much for such a priceless entry, it was a great kick start to a long and grueling judging!
jamie -
Interesting & humorous write.
Haha, this is such a different style that I haven't seen before. I really love the first two lines:
"she eats raw onions
when she hugs and kisses me"
they felt really powerful and intrigued me. They had this seriousness about them. Then the numbers really made me smile, haha. Really balances out the concept and the poem.
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Funny!
Nice haiku too.
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I had a similar problem with an ex-girlfriend.... BRUSH YOUR TEETH BITCH!!
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A nice piece. Personally I would substitute ellipsis . . . at the end of each previous line for the numbers. But it was still a good read.
Jim -
The idea of kissing someone who eats raw onions would make me cry too! I liked the way that you numbered all the things you do and made them rhyme some. -Humorliciousness baaby
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Hahahahaha this was great. I can't imagine dealing with someone who eats onions before they KISS me...hahah lmao great poem. Be well.
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LMAO This is way too funny. That is why if I eat too many onions I get me a York peppermint patty if they have it at the place we eat. LOL Keep up the awesome poetry!!! Thank you for entering my contest.
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This is truly original. Thanks for entering my contest.
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This was quite funny. I love the whole form of it. Ive never heard of somebody eating onions right before kissing somebody( all the time) but, its cute.
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wow this was good. bet you had fun doing this, thanks for sharing this here, keep up the awesome list writing!!! Very well done..
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This is cute, I haven't seen anything quite like it yet and thats good! Thanks for entering.
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Humourous
lol!!! This piece is cute.
Raw Onions, very original and unpredictable.
I would have never guessed that a vegetable to be inspiration.
Great work!!!
Good luck in my contest and thanks for entering!!!
Yours,
Cassie
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ok you got laugh form me hon
hahahahhaaaahaa -
he eh ah ah
he eh ah ah h he eh ehe h h HA HA AG AHA GA AH AGAHA HA AH ah ah aha ha aha aha ahem
nice -
Not sure what I think of the numbering system... but it did make me laugh because I can't stand onions (they make me physically sick) and sometimes my husband eats them and I'm like EWWWW... LOL
A few typos would need fixed to make it read smoother but good job! -
like i said!!!
THAT IS HILA-HAHA-RIOUS!!!!
nice concept! keep up the good work, and keep the world tickling on its funny bone with such poems!thanks for entering, you have a good chance...even if u dont get the points, u DO get the pats!!! -
I think it would have been even more useful as a poem about garlic..
love the write bard.......now tell me a bed time story.... 
LOL
Malabu -
This is cute. I like the numbering. Wish you the best of luck in the contest! Blessings ~Frog
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lol wow i love reading this lol we all hate onion breath and i never even thought bout writing bout it lol right on
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hey billbard....LOL....be greatful it wasn't garlic doing them things to you.......then you would also reek of it... now ill just schoots aloong
Malabu -
ROTFL funny
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um...raw onions? LOL good job!
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LOL. There are no options in this contest.
Thanks for entering it in the ontest. We'll see where the ball bounced.
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lol
well that's quite the random and pointless write I think exactly what Yem is looking for for contests like this
I wish you the best of luck in the lottery
Leander -
completely pointless, just how i wanted it. good job at being funny\\
~bb -
wow, you are very creative you know that. i thought that this was quite interesting, especially if you think about it for reality.
Christie ~ TranquilMelody -
very true and cute..i always tear up when I'm slic'in and dic'in..lol
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Lol, this was great, I absolutley enjoyed this read, very creative, thank you for entering
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First off... thank you for entering... im stillin the process of judging and reading all but yeah... okay, now on to my actual comment!!! haha...
this is kinda funny... i didn't like how you used the Number dealio... not bad though! -
Awesome
Damn this is a brilliantly unique little poem that startled my senses with each unique turn of the word; with each awesome mental image!!!. I have two suggestions that are like incredibly minor....
" I try away to fly"
rather, for the sake of flow what about trying:
I try to fly
(we'll know what you meant...as in ...fly away)
(just read it over again and tell me what you think)
Awesome poem...just damn awesome!
Edited on Nov 12, 9:41 p.m. because 'error'. -
Awesome
Damn this is a brilliantly unique little poem that startled my senses with each unique turn of the word; with each awesome mental image!!!. I have two suggestions that are like incredibly minor....
" I try away to fly"
rather, for the sake of flow what about trying:
try to fly
(we'll know what you meant...as in ...fly away)
(just read it over again and tell me what you think)
Awesome poem...just damn awesome!
Edited on Nov 12, 9:40 p.m. because 'error'. -
ohh yuk, that would turn you off, very good, I loved it am still laughing Sally
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what a predicament! maybe you should just be glad her preferences do not lean towards garlic or she could have chronic bad breath. Gingivitis even. Hmmm I am trying to think of things worse than eating onions. Well you can be glad it is the onions that make you cry and not a broken heart. I hope by the time I have finished you will actually bless the onions
Thanks for the laughs. -
*Giggles* This is cute hun... You made me laugh, figure that's important Good luck in the contest
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I don't really care how you feel but okay.
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frelodncanadtan.Thanks.Your dislike makes me happy.
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ummm....
i still don't really like this poem -
VERY cute! I like this a lot, especially the list-like format. good luck in the contest!
jen -
You must love her though - you let her get close enough to kiss.
funny - very funny.
Now I dare you tokiss her lol
~Von~ -
Onions are smelly
HA! that is so cute yet horrid at the same time.. onions are blecky.. *spits uncontrollably* nice write captain! keep it up! all these entries are so damned good! hate it when that happens! just kiddn -
This was so funny I just can't stop laughing... Good luck in the contest from imagine27
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Hahahaha. I like this.
This is such a nice write. You are truly gifted.
Good luck and thank you for entering our contest
FifthDove
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GOOD!!!
I enjoyed this poem Immensly I wish I could be as creative as half the poeple on this site. It was something I could only dream of writing. Very interesting and to the point -
good
Well that is an odd way to be eating onions. A kiss good enough to cry over. This was a real laugh and added a smile to my morning.
thanks,
John -
Uh.... I don't get it. Honestly, though, I'm just typing for the critique because, so far, I have a perfect comment to critique ratio, so if you don't mind, I'll rant and rave until I think I have enough letters to hit a hundred. As to your poem, it's interesting to read.
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Very Good
All over a little onion
I like how reading this makes one laugh even though all of it is reality when someone gets in your face after eating them. LOL
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Funny with tears
Funny. I love onions I probably need breath mints for sur I deed an anti-acid because boy do they ever give me gas. I love you and your wife. Tell Ted I said no liquids afte 6 PM. ;-)
Poetryality -
funny
out of these variations my favourite is the last one:
never a dry eye.
that's the funniest one i reckon...
she eats raw onion
when she hugs & kisses me
never a dry eye
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FUNNNNNNNY
ROFLMAO!!!!!
Me thinks she needs the powerful stuff...some good old fashioned listerine will kill the onion breath! Jeeze I bet she has some BAD heartburn to! LOL
You're funny!
~Laura
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Darling Gramps, very cute write do you and Ann travel much maybe we can all get togethers this spring or s ummer want to? Hugs and love, Sherry
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hehe!
thanx for sharing
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