The swing still moves as if by unseen hand,
And voices whisper in the trembling leaves,
So many things we cannot understand,
That sound, as if the very wood now grieves.
An apparition forms before my eyes,
A laughing girl, her bonnet tied with blue,
The breezes blew white linen round her thighs,
Then all at once the vision changed anew.
A ballroom with its splendid velvet drapes,
And music that was sweet as Grecian lyre,
But then a scream upon the air escapes,
The scene before my eyes, devoured by fire.
Each year I see her there with birth of spring,
A southern beauty laughing on that swing.
Author notes
Shakespearean sonnet
Written July 11th, 2006
A contest entry
- The Swing by ea.
475 points, ended April 8, 2007, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FOR HUGH WYLES FAVOURITE’S GROUP ONLY # 11 by huguenauties.
800 points, ended May 12, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 57 of 57
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Very tragic, the poem yes, but also the circumstance that it relates. I've never lost anyone through act of God or through someone else's hand but I can only imagine the thoughts that it must conjure for those left behind. Literal ghosts are nothing in comparison to those we keep and call memories.
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Nice!
Was this a true experience? A very nice poem whatever it is.
Hugs
Jan
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What a beatuifully done poem....
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Lovely poem!
Though it tells a tragic tale, it is beautifully told.
Good Luck in the contest!
Maureen
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dear Di,
Wonderful story of the girl on the spring.
The pictue is lovely also.
Hine.
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A beautifully written poem, Diana. The form is perfect and the content elegantly spoken. A fascinating story
I wish you the best in the contest
Dee
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Very lovely Sonnet Di I enjoyed reading about the girl on the swing.
Jen.
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Dear Diana,
Since I commented on your interpretation of this painting (in July last year) my adniration for your imaginative poem has in no way waned. I shall not attempt to repeat or augment the somewhat irreverent sonnet-in-reply which was my comment at that time.
Thankyou for including this beautifully crafted sonnet
in this contest. It is a worthy entry indeed.
Applause, love and hugs, XXX Hugh R.
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Dear Di, A very beautiful Sonnet that I enjoyed reading.
A vision of the girl on the swing would be wonderful to see. I love your version of the painting.
Thankyou for entering our group contest and good luck.
Joan
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"as if by unseen hand" I would be tempted to revise this to as if "an" unseen hand and voices whisper... otherwise you are sacrificing the word "an" that is needed in this line if you are using "by" for the sake of the syllable count but I do not think you need the "by". Otherwise a very effective sonnet and delightful write for this theme.
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Hi,no, it would not be good to remove the word "by" as far as I am concerned, because if you said as if an unseen hand,then nothing, did what?? then on top of that you would have the problem of the iambic pentameter,lol, but not to worry we are all entitled to our opinion,all the best,Di
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applause.
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This is a beautiful sonnet, excellent form and flow. This piece draws the reader in with the very first line and holds tight to the end.
Thank you for entering and have a very merry christmas!
~
Laura
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Spooky
This is an excellent sonnet, Di, and a delight to read. The story evolves naturally until "But then..." which foreshadows the terrible end. The couplet sums up succinctly. Excellent technique, good story!
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Brilliant work
Absolutely outstanding and brilliant work -- I would not have changed ONE WORD.
You are a mature and refined poet. I love your work.
Well done.
Myra
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A most elegant sonnet
I feel this sonneteer is well practiced. The three quatrains are filled with conjured interrest through sensuous application. The rhyming couplet re-inforces the sense of phantomic reality. This is a form poem that is excellent and inviting.
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This is a cool poem and I like the story it paints. I love the memory it generates about the swing.
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woooww ! excellent write !!
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Last comment before judging...
lol... how did I miss that? Very good. -
Hi, it is weird as it was as,lol, better change my pass word,lol, her death was not on the swing, read the volta, it tells you,lol, thanks, Di
Edited on Jul 29 because ''. -
This is a sweet yet haunting poem, going very nicely with the picture. I wondered, though, if in the first sentence you meant, "The swing still moves AS if by unseen hands?"
I imagine a man perhaps remembering his lover on that swing after she has passed away, maybe in a tragic accident... maybe on that swing. Very thought-provoking.
There will be another comment during judging. Thanks for entering. -
Nice sonnet as usual, Di. Kind of a unique take with the changing and contrasting of the scenes. Congrats on the silver. Well done.
Paul -
Congrats on winning in the contest.
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Hi Danna thanks a million, hugs Di
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A magnificent sonnet. Thanks for entering.
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Hi Hugh thanks a million, yes I did know the story of the painting, your rhyming couplet at the end gave me an idea to write another take on this painting, the real story,lol, hugs Di
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Dear Di,
I should tell you that, for reasons I will explain at a later date, I don't normally comment on contest poems but, as I wanted to sample some of your latest writings, I had no choice. I am in no way sorry that I broke my rule as I have enjoyed all I have read and will read others. Again, you have penned an almost flawless sonnet which I applaud. You may be interested to learn some 'inside facts' about the painting in question and som thoughts which spring to my mind in viewing it:
~~~
When Jean Honore Fragonard completed
his rococo depiction of “The Swing”,
his model, several times, became unseated
and had to be remounted on the thing!
Yet she, as one can see from her expression,
enjoyed those swinging ‘sittings’; frenziedly
abandoning herself to her profession
quite uninhibited by modesty.
The lucky swain, in bush below concealed,
could clearly, from his vantage point, observe
her under-garments heedlessly revealed
with animated, oscillating verve.
Her slipper from her foot so wildly tossed….
(I trust that was the only thing she lost!)
~~~
Applause, love and hugs, XXX Hugh.
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I read it, then looked to see who wrote it. Should have known. Very lovely as usual.
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The swing depicts the metronome, who's guiding time is swung back and forth depending on what thoughts are made. Lovely use of drapes for if it were the mind, they'd be enclosed in deep thought. Nice work indeed!!
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A beautiful picture for a beautiful poem. I haven't thought about a swing in years. They bring so much enjoyment. In penning this poem, your lovely lady of the swing comes alive.
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A deep galaxy of thoughts in experience, in mind that moves. Fabulous!!!
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Exciting
Beautiful imagery, and sound rythem and rhyme. This is a lovely take on the picture. The hint of horror near the end, catches the reader unaware in this otherwise idylic tone. Best wishes in the contest. -
Cool!
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wow, that was an excellent job!
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Complicated suffocation – as is the painting . . Great work
Albert.
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wow, that was excellent, the flow was perfect, and you definately can rhyme...and you added so many different things to make it interesting...your vocab was excellent...and the picture just enhanced the reading...excellent job!
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Hi thanks a million hugs Di, will take a look
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excellent~
Beautiful and very vivid with stunning imagery as always
Best of luck in the contest...when ya have time I have up a new one in one of Danna's contest too hope you drop by and give it a read......
Love the pic
Hugs
Susan~~~
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well written
times goes by
memories remain forever
nicely done -
specifically for this picture, it was like A motion picture, thank you for the nice swinging detailed poem..good job..good luck..
Linda -
specifically for this picture, it was like A motion picture, thank you for the nice swinging detailed poem..good job..good luck..
Linda -
Great work, but what to expact from poetess like you are. Magician with words and syllables. Your verses perfect fits with picture. This is a complete art.
~Sonja~ -
excellent stuff. the words really fit the picture.I feel inspired to try something similar for myself.
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wow your diction has so much imagery. it feels good...i love it!!
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Creepy...to a point.
Cool poem...I like the rhyme and the poem has a cool image/feel to it. It's good. -
great poem
its almost as if i could see the swing and the ghost we couldnt see great job keep up the good work -
A stunning poem!!! The imagery and details are so vivid it reminds me of a sonnet being read in an beautiful castle.
Made me feel serene and i thank you for sharing this lovely poem!
lynn
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wonderful writing great imagery and vivid details brings scene to life
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exelent
wow ,exelent! good luck in the contest with this superb write
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This was a hauntingly beautiful poem Di! Everything about it is just amazing! I love the ending! Great write lady!
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Wonderful
Beautiful, and all the symbolisum to keep my busy for days!
Where to start, I loved it- really I did. I love the picture for it as well. The whole thing reminded me of the changing of time, seasons, life.. there are so many parts of things pictured in your writting- though the most present was the chaning of the seasons, even before the line: "Each year I see her there with birth of spring"
I loved the line: "The scene before my eyes, devoured by fire"- for me it was the climaxtic part of it all, like all the beauty of spring and summer dying into fall and fall bending into winter. That line means so many things, it's like death and rebirth .. it's hard to explain but I understand it completly -
I like this haunting piece of writing. Always to be seen and heard ... never to be touched... Bravo!!!
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a very emotional and descriptive sonnet...one of your best, i think, for the feelings that seem to be tied to it.
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great piece. I loved the images you have penned here! it is great.
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GREAT WORK ON THIS
INCREDIBLE PIECE I T IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES TO READ -
Nice use of rhyme here I liked the classical beauty of this write Keep writing, I like the way that (I feel) this was about a ghost yet it wasn't scary, it was peaceful and hopeful
All the best
Pozo
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A haunting poem Di.
Good luck in the contest.
Jim
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