Beneath the ledge of thoughts so small,
Under hinged lids of my recall.
A memory lingers ~ quite profound & keen.
Clothed in the future ~ yet unseen.
The past runs on rails of steel.
Through tunnels of what is now & real.
Future loves may come and go,
But, you were the first that I would know.
In the shadow of the moon so deep,
I remember promises you couldn't keep.
Touching each one in feathered bliss.
I feel the touch of our first kiss.
Smelling the fragrance of roses withered dead.
Pressed between the pages of what you said.
Today remains suspended by future dreams.
Our crop lays shallow ~ unredeemed.
Author notes
Written July 11th, 2006
A contest entry
- What Is Love by JadedxPassion.
300 points, ended July 21, 2006, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. Imagery; rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
This is a truly beautiful poem A love poem that has a quality all its own for it is soft and has an ethereal beauty that few poems written about love normally display.
Your opening Stanza was I felt simply exquisite. It was soft yet it held my attention so strongly that I doubt I could have stopped reading even if I had wanted to.
The second Stanza I considered was deeply seered into the soul. You had the cold harshness of reality together with the memories of your first love, that will linger forever in your memory.
The third Stanza was I believe sublime as you recall with joy the magic moments of when you each spoke of your heart.
The lines:
I remember promises you couldn't keep.
Touching each one in feathered bliss.
I feel the touch of our first kiss.
Are in my opinion utterly magnificent!!
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TERRIFIC
i loved reading this.
it is such a beautiful love poem. i love the flow, it was written so well. i especially love these lines:
"Future loves may come and go,
But, you were the first that I would know."
those lines really hit me, i don't quite know why.
i enjoyed reading this, thanks so much for sharing.
your Faerie
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Wow!! I think this is really beautiful. I Love this!! You rhymed it wonderfully and I love the flow of it!! I love the imagery!!! Great Job!! I look forward to reading more from you!! Excellent Work!! Keep Writing!!!
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Pressed between the pages of what you said.
I Liked This.Good Luck! -
I really enjoyed this poem, and think you did a wonderful job with the flow and rhyme scheme...but because of the rhyming it really doesn't fall into the free verse category. Thank you very much for entering my contest
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thank you for your comments, I don't often use (or try to use) structured rhyme..not very good at it...but, perhaps someday I shall improve
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i really rather liked this piece...the picture included with the poem is lovely and i was impressed with how you were able to use a structured rhyme scheme without lapsing into annoying, overeused rhymes...this is a nice write
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thanks Ginger, I know I tend to get into overused cliches often..I worked on it a little, but really don't have time to do more right now...I appreciate your comment/critique
freda
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Is this real/personal? I liked this poem a lot, it was very descriptive and well written I liked your imagery and rhyme here Keep writing, this showed the memory of a romance well
All the best
Pozo
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