So often left alone
Deliberating every question
Every glance
Each mumbling tone
But I continue
Continuously creating places to fall into
Little love notes to myself
to get me threw the day
Because with all we been through
I can't even find the words to say
I unzipper to left of center
But I never quite get there
Fell through to follow a thread
that would never take me anywhere
Slipping into something hauntingly hollow
Venomously wanting to feel clean
To not care what part of me they've seen
The stickiness of trauma an terror
always leaves a ridiculing stain
They have already planned the end of the world
So why clean the stain with pain
Encircling infinity with a pull
I could never tame
Because we are a collective division
of hungry souls
Even with a lack of star light
The weed grows
Author notes
My poems often end up like this. About myself and my troubles and then circle back to the infinite and the whole.
Written July 10th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Prewrite " SPECIAL" by wingsofgold25.
450 points, ended May 17, 2007, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very nicely written Good Luck in the Contest
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"Venomously wanting to feel clean
To not care what part of me they've seen"
So powerful. I could feel this as I read it, and I loved it. I know exactly what you're talking about. SOmetimes we just care too much about what other people think of us, and our actions. It'd be so nice if we could just forget everyone else existed sometimes. Anyhoo, fabulous piece, dear. Fabulous. --->pixxie<--- -
Hello , hello,
This piece presents thoughtful ideas. I wonder how giving each a bit more air would help in focusing on the poetics and enjoying the moment?
What about a series of small vignettes that combine to make a greater point... written with creative line breaks and punctuation...I think the content of this piece would adapt nicely...
So,
often left
alone
deliberating every question
every glance - each mumbling tone
But,
I continue.
*
Continuously creating
places to fall into
little love notes
to
myself
to get me through the day.
*
etc etc..
-
and oh yeah, you didnt mention what you wanted to be in my ap family
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So often left alone
Deliberating every question
Every glance
Each mumbling tone
Those first four lines were awesome, they really drew me in. From there on, it just got better. I loved the descriptiveness you used. The only thing I noticed was that you spelled "through" as "threw"....just a little thing. No biggie. I do stuff like that all the time. Lol But overall, a great poem!!!
Good Luck, and thanks for entering!
*Rachel* -
hmmm...A pretty nice peom with wonderful expressions. I liked the way it began, proceed and amazingly ended in a novel way. really a great write. Anyways, jsut a suggestion:
"But I never quite get there"
Maybe you can change the line. It sounds odd. -
Thank you kindly
-
why clean the stain with pain
an absolutely brilliant line
i understand stains and there mess they leave so that line means a great deal to me
keep up the great work
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