Thoughts construed
and questions unanswered,
heavens action and hells disaster.
Society chills of the immoral,
ears that bleed in turmoil.
Tunes that wither
and cease to exist,
demons poverty and liberties bliss
Expel and dis-own
the things that we know,
creation and love
with the moon that glows.
Rip me open and tear me apart,
tears from heaven
creates faith in thy heart.
Moving on since loves been gone,
holding on to love that's strong,
twisting turning while lifes been burning,
crystal thoughts of righteous plots
Author notes
Enjoy reading this piece, it was created for open minds.
Written July 9th, 2006
A contest entry
- Show me, don't tell... by naked roots.
400 points, ended July 18, 2006, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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i'm not sure what to say about this one
its.. just very.. sad, in an angry kind of way, ya know?
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You're definitly right! I should have exleast done that for the contest. Thank you for your comment!
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I really loved the imagery and feeling conveyed in this write. You did a nice job showing your thoughts, although I think I would have Liked to be able to see it in more of a poetic form, instead of a short prose. Perhaps something like this:
"Thoughts construed
and questions unanswered,
heavens action and hells disaster.
Society chills of the immoral,
ears that bleed in turmoil.
Tunes that wither
and cease to exist,
demons poverty and liberties bliss
Expel and dis-own
the things that we know,
creation and love
with the moon that glows.
Rip me open and tear me apart,
tears from heaven
creates faith in thy heart.
Moving on since loves been gone,
holding on to love that's strong,
twisting turning while lifes been burning,
crystal thoughts of righteous plots."
Although I'm not really sure, but perhaps you could go through and break up a little bit of the rhyme scheme that played into it as I put it into poem form. Anyway I really did like your thoughts, thank you very much for entering my contest...If you revise this let me know, I'd love to see what else you could add or change
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