A flowing river
Following its own stone path
Down the mountain side
Author notes
A small haiku about nature. Hope you like it 
Written July 8th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
VERY BEAUTIFUL
I like this my friend, I can justt picture a stream flowing down a hillside
-
Alright I do not have much knowledge on haiku's like moon kris addict does up above, but I did enjoy this write. I think it was short but such a nice write. I haven't read any of your write's in a while and to read this of your first to read was pretty dang good. Great job my friend.
♥
JiGgLeZ -
A flowing river
Following its own stone path
Down the mountain side
This is not a haiku. Haiku do not have to remain restricted to the 5-7-5 syllable format. This is rigidly stuck to that. There are few haiku which are in this format but then they do follow other rules of haiku writing. I can see none of the rules followed here. A haiku is about one moment observed by the haijin. You have to state what you exactly saw and there must be a juxtaposition of images. Good haiku have atleast 3 images of which one juxtaposes against the other 2. Haiku do not use capitalisation like you have used here. Also, a good haiku does not use more than one -ing word. Unnecessary words are not used in haiku. They are very brief poems which are written such that one can read them in a single breath. In this poem, you've used 'flowing' in L1 which is not at all a necessary word. Rivers flow..that is their function. Also, 'stone' in L2 is not a necessary word. Basically, here nothing startling is captured. What you've written about is a common sight, nothing unusual. Rivers flowing down their stone path beside mountains is a common thing. You need to find something which has an "aha moment" to it. Haiku are open-ended and beautiful amazing poems crafting which is not an easy task. You have to write them based on what you see or hear, not what you imagine or fantasise. A clean haiku in English is written in about 12 syllables or less. A clean break at the end of L1 or L2 is necessary in a haiku to indicate where the juxtaposition of images has occurred.
Example of a haiku is:
two shoes
side by side --
empty
The images are clear here and the last line has the aha moment as it surprises the reader and makes him wonder why the shoes are empty, whose shoes are they, where are they placed, etc.
Hope I could help you understand basically what constitutes an ideal haiku. If you need a clear understanding, I'm sure myron will be the best man to help.
Best wishes,
Charishma
-
wow, this is good, i like this poem, you know you never seem to not suprise me, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
-
No problem. Its the first fresh poem Ive had for a couple of months. I'm glad you like it and good luck with the contest
-
Very nice. This poem flows well.....kinda like a river...haha..I know lame! But anywho I did enjoy this and your words used describe a river well that it painted the picture in my mind. Thank you for this haiku and good luck!
-
Thankyou
-
Mmm I love haiku *__*;;; This is a very good job, good luck in the contest! 8D
~FD
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
1 old applause
