Our world of color has gone to drab
Everything's gone, all that's fab
All that's left is black, white and gray
It's all the same, what we think and say
Trees are white, grass is black
What will we find, that we can attack?
Our skin's all grey and we're all tall
We all are straight and we all are small
I give it til noon for us to find something new
Something to hate, just about YOU
How about length of finger nails?
Oh I got it, we'll hate all males
Wait, that won't work, it's already been done
See? This battle, it'll never be won
The human race is savage and crude
No one can win, we'll all get screwed
Author notes
This poem was inspired by the quote 'If everyone in the world were to suddenly all be the same, we'd find something to hate about someone by noon' I'm not sure who it's by, but I'd love to know.
And I know it's not totally free verse, but if you take away the rhyming it would be. 
I just think this poem would be better with some rhyming, so if that prevents me from winning, that's okay, I'm glad the contest inspired me to write it.
Written July 8th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Modern-Style Free Verse by andsparksflyup.
400 points, ended July 11, 2006, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Oh, nice word choices dear. They really added imagery to this piece. Vivid and powerful. Nicely done. Keep it up dear *goes comment crazy on your work*
Love always,
Kristen ♥ -
this poem is very different and i like that alot
you are a strong minded young woman
with strong anddeep thoughts
grear poem
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Might I suggest for this line:
"Every thing's gone, all that's fab"
the first part "Everything is gone, all that's fab".
This line (and title):
"All that's left is black, white and grey"
You know, I know grey/gray are just variants of each other but I have always used "grey" for "emotional" terminology and "gray" as just the color, and even seen others use it the way I do, as well. As stated: I know they are just variants but it does make a slight difference and those who notice it are probably the one's who are paying close attention to what you're writing. Just an idea, do not have to use it.
This line:
"And it's all the same, what we think and say"
I would los the "And" in the beginning, just have it be:
"It's all the same, what we think and say" and also place a period after "say" since it seems to be an ending. Perhaps even use breaks, which I feel the flow would work better in the reading.
See, an example of what I mean in this line:
"Our skin's all grey and we're all tall" this one I would use the "grey" as you use it and the one above I would use "gray" -- perhaps it's a rare breed of us who see the differences from the two in not just being variants.
Your rhyming is gradual but I feel with the line above and this one that it's breaking apart, it's becoming weak and forced:
"We all are straight and we're all small"
I believe with this is your change-up of "we all" and then "we are" (we're) -- it sort of breaks it.
The ending, a period. You use commas, and question marks, why not periods?
It's a nice little piece, the rhyming could be worked on, perhaps write the same piece as above again but this time in free-verse (non-rhyming). Not stating that you should throw this piece away but try writing it without the rhyming. I feel that a lot of the time "society" pieces such as this work better without the rhyming.
I didn't care too much for the YOU but it doesn't detract from the piece, too much.
Anyway ...
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this is awsome,I love it.
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Haha, I like it.
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