Travelling together it's so much fun,
laughter and playing nothing but sun.
you walk out to me beside the pool,
wow what a goddess you soon reveal.
now your soft lips meet mine,
the Ecstasy we feel is simply divine.
We watch the setting Tahitian sun,
our lives together has begun.
This is how I always wanted it to be,
but you had to change and take this from me.
you truly broke my heart,
the shudders of agony still tear me apart,
I hoped the tears would slow the pain,
but it seems even they were in vain
Why do Angels lie?
On second thought angels do not lie,
you just never where one
Author notes
Written July 8th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Sometimes tears just aren't the solution. Strong poem, only this:
"our lives together has begun" has a flaw in grammar. The subject is plural, the verb isn't. Other than that: a very powerful conclusion!
Keep it up!
P.S.: Thanks for your comment! I hope it'll work out as you say.
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AWESOME!
great job! I loved ur poem! I like how u use more interesting words than just plain everyday words. Thats what made the poem really light up. FANTASTIC!!!
Keep it up,
*** Autumn
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FANTASMICAL!! :D
Wow that was really good Derry! I Love the whole thing, from happiness to unexpected heartbreak. The end was awesome "Angels do not lie, You just never were one." And YES, that is SOOOO true, Angels DO NOT lie. Well done! A strong point you have even highlighted to myself.
Jess xoxoxoxox
P.S - Sexual chocolate! *stomps foot*
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hey
thnx Jess 4 the love.thankyou Jackson Heights own!....Mr Randy...Watson,big round of applause,how bout it! hehe
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thankyou paige for your nice words,your a very nice young lady
keep writing good poems too,that's they key to improving,just experiment,and don't think while you write,just let it all pour out line after line,then you can edit it at the end,like a puzzle,i hope that might help you
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thanks Diana for your comments
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That poem is very true, i no how it feels but when i go out with someone its not really true love because i am still a child.I no how it feel when your heart is broken after being in love for so long, hopfuly you will find a one special true love and they will be a Beautiful angel that will look after you the good and the bad. Well done and great writing and keep up the great work and keep writing more poems just like this!
great work....
From princess paige -
thanks for your comment.But I wasn't trying to be bitter I'm basically saying you know what it's fine,but you just don't mean anything to me now.Because an angel is a title I reserve for someone special and more deserving.And she once was this to me,but through her countless negative actions,i'm taking the title away from her through this poem.So I can then someday give this to someone whom I cherish and love.But thankyou for your intepretation,that's just what I really ment when I wrote it
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Thank-you for sharing that, and I can totally see where you're coming from with that poem, when your so in love with someone, you think they're an Angel sent from heaven. Then they break your heart, and that's when you realise they weren't an Angel afterall. I liked the way the poem went from love to hurt to bitter, and you know what they say: "Revenge is a dish best served cold" and that's exactly how the ending made me feel! Keep up the great work... Mareta
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Well, I can definitely relate to this one
. Except for that it's interesting how you're trying to tell such a long story in such few words. I think it'd be stronger if you tried to show it more (rather than simply stating it), but that doesn't matter. This is a story that's been felt and said over and over and yet it's always a part of us so it can always be enjoyed and/or related to. The only thing I'd like to mention is that it may help the flow of the poem if you were a bit more careful with grammar, i.e.
"our lives together has begun." => has should be have, and the "where" in the last line should be "were". Except for that, I'd say the last stanza is quite a good conclusion. If only we could understand it faster and less painfully...
~Diana
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oh the ending was perfect, just the right malice. in the begining the poem spoke of love then it fell to hate, and the name of the poem is cool too
GREAT job
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