Before it gets too dark, it now appears,
his weakness, his defeat, his inner pain,
lost in the haze of tears and naked fears,
he recollects a picture lost in vain.
A dancer in the shades of thorny guilt,
who tries to shut what agony evokes,
wrong passions find their muse when feelings melt,
and pagan deeds in languish find their talk.
whenever light is gone, there lurks the dark,
where feral thoughts to burdened hearts command,
we live our lusts, enjoying youthful sparks,
and evil-laden roads bestow a hand.
Curse not the sullen days that brought you here,
but hark the voice of reason in your ear.
Author notes
Written July 5th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Great couplet!
This reads as a teaching tale, with the moral that we reap what we sow, a perfect truth.
Generally the meter is good, but once in a while the iambic stress falls on a weak word, as "in", line 3, or a stronger word or syllable demands more weight, as "wrong", line 7, and line 11, "blinded".
In line 12, the roads bestowing a hand is a mixed metaphor, what about using a different rhyme? Land springs to mind.
This is excellent work, Rami, these are minor quibbles about a solid sonnet.
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thumb up
i really like your style of writing.. amazing!!! -
Interesting....I must read again and think about it.
Well writen and worded.
Keep it up and good luck
Liv -
Another amazing sonnet! Wow, I am impressed!! I can't wait to rea dmore ^_^ I love how you can use words so well and it's just amazing. I'm very impressed.
Take Care,
Jasmine
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This is a wonderful sonnet!! I really like them, but can never seem to write them myself!!
Really well described throughout!! Nice flow to it too!
Sarah Louise Hudson
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